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State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire

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Allegedly matches drapesIn a refreshing change of pace, a gun-fondling wingnut is warning of armed rebellion over the possible political victory of someone other than Barack Obama. New Hampshire state Rep. J.R. Hoell (R-YouNeedToAsk?) told a rightwing blog that if some state Republicans succeed in an attempt to draft Brown into a 2014 Senate run against Jeanne Shaheen, then “firearms and ammo” may be the only means of protecting the state from Brown. You know, because Brown once said he supported reinstating a ban on assault weapons, a view held only by socialists.

“We’re not here to threaten anybody,” Hoell said in a podcast. “We’re here standing on our soapbox, as opposed to standing with our ammo box in hand, to make a point politically. The message needs to get out that Scott Brown does not represent New Hampshire.”

Hoell is an organizer of a gun-fondlers’ rally scheduled to take place Thursday as a counterpoint to a Republican fundraiser where Brown is expected to speak.

“If things continue the way they are, there may be a day or a time where firearms and ammo are necessary,” he continued. “It happened in the Revolutionary War. I’d like to think we’re not there yet, but as things continue to unravel, that may be the next step.”

In other words, gun owners are very worried that someone they don’t like might win an election he has not announced for (yet!), so it’s time for Lexington and Concord and watering the Tree of Liberty, blahblahblah. Only now, that not-at-all hypothetical call to arms — really, we mean it! — isn’t just for Kenyan muslin socialist fascists, it also may be necessitated by the presence of a guy who overtly aligned himself with teabaggers, but wasn’t quite enough of a gun fellater for some of them.

Suggestion to Brown: up-armor that pickup truck.


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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom


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