Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Meet your new mommy America

Forget about our new mommy the prime minister of Thailand, there is a new sexy spy prime minister in town, and she is laughing it up and taking selfies with Barack Obama at Nelson Mandela’s funeral and she is maybe kind of pretty if you are into “tall” and “blonde” and “pretty.” You know who does not seem to be that into “tall” and “blonde” and “pretty”? Michelle Obama, that is who! That is some side-eye not seen since the one time John Boehner grabbed her ass at lunch and slurred something about shayna tushies before falling face-first into his organic grassfed triple martini lobster bisque.

Let us learn more about this interloper, shall we?

Helle Thorning-Schmidt — if that even is her real name — is the prime minister of Danish. She apparently thinks it is acceptable, as captured by AFP, to flirt and carry on and take selfies at funerals.

Screen Shot 2013-12-10 at 8.18.34 AM

And that is all we need to know about the communist slutski up there. Even Erick Erickson points out that Michelle Obama does not flirt and carry on and take selfies at funerals, and we are gonna go with that is why she is pissed — SHE IS SO PISSED Y’ALL — at Barack: for taking selfies at funerals. Not for horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.

Screen Shot 2013-12-10 at 8.46.30 AM

Dr. Gundry reveals the top 3 common foods that you would have never guessed were the cause of your fatigue.

(It is totally because he is horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.)

Barack, your wife is right there. She is right there next to you. She has eyeballs, in her head, through which light travels after bouncing off the solid mass that is you horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish, maybe, we are not sure how eyeballs work. But they work somehow, and that somehow is allowing her to know, using those same eyeballs, that you are horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.

At least he did not ask her boobies to stop staring at him? Oh, right, that’s fucking idiotic, so nope. Barack Obama is going to Husband Jail, and then Progressive Jail, to be followed by Male Gaze Jail and Feminist Jail, but mostly he is going to #Selfiesatfunerals Jail.

[AFP’s Twitter]

Add to Flipboard Magazine.
Previous articleThere Is No Better Song In The World For Nelson Mandela's Funeral Than Toto's 'Africa' Except For All These Other Ones
Next articleObama Touches Raul Castro's Communist Fingers At Mandela Funeral, Wingnuts Outraged