Dick Cheney Surprised That Some Lady On Facebook 'Attacked' His Daughter Liz on Gay Marriage

Today on "Fun With Grammar," let's take a look at an old favorite, the political passive voice. The great thing about the passive voice, as we all know, is that you can say stuff happened without actually saying who did that stuff, the classic example being "Mistakes were made." And now, here's everyone's favorite kitten-chomper Dick Cheney, explaining how he was shocked, shocked by something that happened without anyone in particular doing it:

“We were surprised that there was an attack launched against Liz on Facebook, and wished it hadn’t happened,” Cheney said Tuesday at the National Press Club, as quoted by ABC News. “It’s always been dealt with within the context of the family and frankly that’s our preference.”

Damn that Facebook and its complicity in that attack by (someone)! Gosh, if only we knew whose name would have to go in an active voice version of that sentence. Ah well, guess we will never (MARY CHENEY YOUR OWN DAUGHTER YOU BASTARD!) know.

We suppose we shouldn't be too surprised that Cheney would use One Weird Grammar Trick to disown his daughter Mary (not to mention her wife Heather Poe, who also shared some unkind Facebook sentiments); after all, is Mary running for Senate? May as well make her an unperson, at least if you're mostly at the National Press Club to flog your exciting heart-attack book. 

Cheney also suggested that the kindest thing would be to let his family shun one of its members in peace:

Cheney said the incident is “obviously a difficult thing for a family,” but he declined to comment any further on the controversy or his position on gay marriage.

“That’s as far as I’m going to go on the subject,” Cheney told his interviewer. “Don’t waste your time.”

Quiet rooms, people. Don't you understand what quiet rooms are where disowning will happen?

[ ABC News via TPM ]