god do you even lift?

Absolutely Super-Straight Wingnut: Jesus Wasn’t No Girly-Man, Jesus Had A Ripped, Buff Bod!

Get your Jesus right (also, check out Robert Kirkman's 'Battle Pope')Jerry Boykin is on a mission to rescue Jesus from those faggy Eye-Talian artists that painted him as some kind of wimpy homo ladyboy. The retired lieutenant-general, now executive VP of the Family Research Council, told a Men’s Prayer Breakfast at William Jessup University that we’ve got to stop thinking of Jesus as a skinny little guy with long pretty hair and start getting it right. Remember, the man was a carpenter:

“Do you think he looked like the effeminate picture that we always see of him?” Boykin asked. “He didn’t look like that. He had big ole calluses over his hands, right? I imagine he probably lost a nail or two, he probably hit it with a hammer or something.”

Heck, if Jesus came back today he’d drive a big ol Ram 3500 Crew Cab with a 4-inch lift, and he’d for damn sure have at least a couple of assault rifles in the gun rack. And sure, he was a carpenter, but he wouldn’t be in no damn union, tell you what.

The speech actually was given a few months ago; RightWingWatch posted video of Boykin’s manly-Jebus fantasies Monday. And Boykin, whose group is staunchly anti-ghey, wants us to know that Jesus was ALL man. And what a man!

“You think his biceps weren’t big bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms, thin waist, strong shoulders from lifting?” he continued. “He smelled bad! Why? Because he sweated, he worked. You think I’m sacrilegious because I said Jesus smelled bad? No, he was a man! He was a man’s man.”

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Hubba hubba. Kinda makes you rethink that whole “Ecce homo” thing, right? Yowza.

Boykin was just plain nail-spittin’ mad about how churches have “feminized” Jesus, what with all that “meek shall inherit the earth” bullcrap:

“He was a tough guy, and that’s the Jesus I want to be like,” he insisted. “But we feminize Jesus in the church and men can’t identify with him anymore, not the kind of men I want to hang out with. They can’t identify with this effeminate Jesus that we’ve tried to portray.”

Here is some video of Boykin explaining what a totally buff manly man Jesus was. Yes, we know some of you don’t like to watch the vids, but this is TOTALLY worth it for Boykin’s drooling over Jesus’s hot ripped bod. Someone get this man a towel, please:

[RawStory / RightWingWatch]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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