Vermont Socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders Will Save The Post Office With Booze And Fishing Licenses

Even if you're a full-on socialist like Bernie Sanders (or our beloved and esteemed Editrix, may she live a thousand years), there's a good chance you think the US Post Office is hemorrhaging money. But that's because you're not as awesome as Bernie Sanders, who sent us a nice email this afternoon about the Post Office that didn't even make us pass out from boredom. Part of it said:

“During the last 12 months, the Postal Service made a profit of $600 million picking up and delivering mail and packages to every household and business in America."

It turns out the Post Office only loses money because "Unlike any other public or private entity, under a 2006 law, the U.S. Postal Service must pre-fund retiree health benefits." And this is SNORE DROOL COMA anyway Bernie Sanders is going to fix everything, by repealing that crap and letting the Post Office ship booze all over the place, like they do now, except it'll be legal! What's the plan, Comrade Sanders?

“It’s time to end this outrageous pre-funding requirement once and for all.  My legislation would also give the Postal Service the tools it needs to succeed in the 21st century by allowing it to offer new products and services on the internet, ship wine and beer, and issue hunting and fishing licenses,” Sanders said.

Liz Cheney should be excited about the fishing licenses, because she does so much fishing in Wyoming, where she is definitely from. Liz "Wyoming" Cheney From Wyoming, they call her, especially when she is at home in Wyoming, where her home is, her WyHoming, you might say, if you were Wyoming's Own Liz Cheney.

Where were we? Yes, the Post Office. See if you can make any sense of this Bloomberg article explaining just what the heck is going on with the Post Office's "pre-funding" requirement. It seems legit but it uses words like "amortize" so we are not really sure what to make of it. The comments are apoplectic over how the article doesn't point out that the Post Office is being required to fund benefits that will be paid 75 years in the future, meaning that they're setting aside money for people who will work for the Post Office at some point but technically haven't been born yet.

Hmm, law passed in 2006... onerous, extraordinary requirements imposed on a public utility... a high probability of shenanigans, we think!

But the really important thing is SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

SHIP BEER & WINE

and fishing licenses and

SHIP BEER & WINE!!!

[ USPS.com / Bloomberg / Delivering For America ]