Sun Rises In East, Darrell Issa Lies About It

We have let you down, Wonkeroos. It has been weeks -- WEEKS -- since we have brought you news of the Liarest Liar of all Liardom, Darrell Issa (R-Satan’s Scrotum). But fear not! He’s slithered out from whatever unholy bunghole of repulsiveness he has been hibernating in, and has SHOCKINGLY been lying to the media. Was it a lie about the fake IRS scandal? Or perhaps BENGHAZI!!1!? No, no, dear friends. He is lying on Obamacare this time, according to Wonkette hero and multi-time nominee for Legislative Badass Elijah Cummings (D-MD)? Let’s sexplore.

So what did Congressional Assclown Issa say this time?

Issa (R-Calif.) went on TV Thursday to declare that testing on the day prior to the launch of the Obamacare website showed it could only handle 1,100 people -- not the 60,000 for which the Obama administration said it was planning, and many fewer than the 250,000 who tried.

Issa specifically blamed U.S. Chief Technology Officer Todd Park and press secretary Jay Carney for lying to the American people. This does sound bad. Even we can imagine that more than 1,000 folks are gonna want affordable health care, so moar testing should have been done. Then again, we are not right-wing howler monkeys who want to fling poop all over everything, who see this accusation as certain grounds for impeachment, exile, flogging, and being forced to watch Ted Cruz’s faux-filibuster on eternal repeat until the end of time.

However, as the media should come to expect by now (srsly media, WTF?), rather than being true, this was a giant fucking lie that Issa knew was a lie, what with the fact that his own goddam committee interviewed the guy what said “naw, mang, that ain't right.”

Rep. Cummings (D-Marry Us) has seen fit to send Issa yet another letter politely asking him to stop being a misinformed dolt on national teevee. Under the section, “Information Obtained By Committee Contradicts Accusations,” Cummings' letter says:  

Based on information obtained by the Committee, it appears that you fundamentally misunderstood or mischaracterized the document you released to the press yesterday and that your accusations against Mr. Park and Mr. Carney are wholly unfounded.

Are there transcripts proving this? Oh yes, friends, there are transcripts that show Issa and his staff knew a FULL WEEK before his teevee appearance that this 1,100 figure was a lie. His staff interviewed Henry Chao, the Deputy Chief Information Officer at the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, who said that the full stress test showed that the site could handle up to 58,000 people. Based on this, Cummings said:

Given that your staff participated in Mr. Chao’s transcribed interview last week -- before you issued your press release and conducted your television interview -- it is unclear why you did not disclose the information Mr. Chao provided, but instead chose to accuse Mr. Park and Mr. Carney of misleading the American people.

Based on being a lying liar, Issa now wants to drag Mr. Park before his committee to testify. Like right now. In the normal course of correspondence, the White House has politely asked that Mr. Park not testify until the first few weeks of December. What evil plot is afoot? Oh yeah… the guy is trying to fix healthcare.gov , and pulling him away to testify would be a FUCKING STOOPID idea.

But Issa is too busy throwing a temper tantrum to listen, and has threatened to subpoena Park to testify, because it is much more important to yell at someone for a few hours than try to fix a system that will provide millions with affordable health care.

Cummings calls on Issa to:

correct the public record, and I request that you apologize to these officials for the unsubstantiated accusations against them.

We’re not holding our breath for an apology. It’s not like Issa has had the stones, decency, or basic human dignity to apologize for all his former lies, accusations, misstatements and utter bullshit, so we have no expectation that he will begin now.

Just to be on the safe side, we do recommend that Cummings, Chao, and Park invest in a little more fire insurance. 

[ Huffington Post / House Oversight Committee ]