Sarah Palin To Celebrate Poor Hippie Socialist Jew's Birthday By Not Finishing Tour To Sell Her Crappy Book

With Halloween behind us, there is a crisp, fresh feeling in the air. The kind of feeling that can only mean one thing: time to start capitalizing on other people’s deeply held religi-political beliefs to rake in boatloads of cash. Up in the sky, with a sleigh being pulled by flying caribou, is our favorite half-time grifter, the Original GILFster herself, Sarah Palin, per Politico:  

Next Tuesday, the former vice presidential candidate will embark on a 15-city tour to promote her new book, “ Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas .”

Wonkette places the odds of her completing the book tour at 47%.

It’s good to see the unemployed quitter hockey-mom lipsticked-pig lady exploiting theholiday commercialXmas season by encouraging everyone to buy her book. Or if you want, you can really torture yourself by listening to an excerpt of the book, read by the Alaskan Queen herself. Whatever, they're your ears.

But we are for reals skeptical that Palin will actually finish this tour. This lady is like the anti-Brokeback -- she can quit ANYTHING and EVERYTHING:

• In 2009, she quit her vacation because she was recognized.

• In 2011, she quit a cross-country bus tour in the middle, because... well, no one really knows why. 

• She has quit/been fired from Fox News about a bajillion times.

• And we feel like maybe there was something else?

As you can see, there is a pattern of starting and stopping things (mostly stopping midway through), so our confidence level is understandably shaky.

But who knows. Maybe the righteous cause of fighting the War on Christmas will cause Palin's staying power to grow ten sizes (plus 2)? Because nothing celebrates the true Christmas spirit like charging $15 for a crappy collection of " personal memories and traditions from her own Christmases and illustrate the reasons why the celebration of Jesus Christ’s nativity is the centerpiece of her faith.”  Rea$on for the $ea$on, right?

Where will Palin be going, you ask? (Seriously, you are asking? Do you hate yourself?) Well, she is scheduled to go to several small-and-mid-sized towns and avoiding the Northeast and Left Coast like the goddam plague (complete list is on her MyFacedIn page, so click at your own risk). But beware folks that live on the second half of this list -- who knows whether you will be able to bask in sweet sweet snowbilly glow. The events (should they happen) are sure to be a hoot:

And Palin’s fans should be ready for surprises, the former Alaska governor hinted.

“I promise we can make these fun events for all!

Does that mean more dick jokes? In the seekrit chatcave, we begged Snipy to go to the event in Minneapolis, but she correctly stated that, “wonkette does not provide hazard pay. ” Can’t really argue with that.

[ Politico ]