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Ted Cruz Declares Victory Over Obamacare, Gives Up

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In a press conference that just happened to take place as Majority Leader Mitch McConnell addressed the Senate, Poutine-American Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) announced that he would not try to delay a Senate vote on a proposed deal to reopen the government and raise the debt limit for two whole months (if the House allows it). Asked what had been accomplished by the shutdown, since the Affordable Care Act was not repealed, defunded, delayed, or even modified, Cruz rejected the question’s premise and declared the House of Representatives’ shutdown a “remarkable victory” and a “profile in courage,” since the House listened to the American people (who overwhelmingly opposed a shutdown, and over the course of the shutdown have actually increased their support of the ACA).

Cruz then vowed to continue fighting Obamacare and make it go away, because he is a Hero, and 2 million people signed an online petition to defund Obamacare. That’s an awesome start on a mailing list for his 2016 presidential campaign!

[NBCNews / Twitter (various)]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

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