just tackle obamacare and give it a haircut

Mitt Romney Lends Expert Advice To House Republicans: Don’t Crush That Obamacare, Hand Me The Pliers

He knows what he's talking about. He has a mansion and a yachtMittens McRomneybot briefly activated his sensory and communications units Friday to Mittsplain that he’s pretty sure that House Republicans are going about this business of killing Obamacare the absolute wrong way. Now, you might expect Romney to suggest that Republicans stop worrying so much, because most elements of the Affordable Healthcare Act have been working just fine in Massachusetts since 2006, and he oughta know. That, of course, is what the alternate-universe Romney — the one from a parallel Earth where people are logically consistent — would say. In our timeline, we are stuck with the Mitt Romney who completely failed to become president by running against his own damn health insurance plan. So now he brings that same expertise to the House GOP, telling them that blowing up the whole government to kill Obamacare dead is a bad idea:

“I think there’s a better way of getting rid of Obamacare — my own view — and that is, one, delaying it by at least a year. That was Senator (Joe) Manchin’s idea, the Democrats’ idea,” Romney said.

We have a sneaking suspicion that Romney just got behind this idea because the name “Manchin” makes him think of home. But sure, President Obama would be probably just be delighted to sign a compromise that ensures another year of House votes to kill Obamacare.

We would say more about the Mittbot’s terrifying march of death and destruction, but we were distracted by the need to nitpick this very, very wrong detail in Talking Points Memo’s story, which warns that the deadline for congressional action “is set for Monday at midnight, at which time the federal government is due to run out of money.”

No, no, no! Talking Points Memo, you are wrong on the internet! Monday is the deadline by which Congress has to either pass 12 appropriations bills for government agencies (which it never does on time, it is like a teenager that way), or a continuing resolution which continues to fund the gummint at current levels until it passes those appropriations (or hits the deadline of the continuing resolution — in fact, Sept. 30 is the end of the continuing resolution that’s been funding the government since March). Look, TPM, go read this explainer at WaPo, jeeze, we are tired of doing your homework.

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The government doesn’t run out of money until October 17 – by which date Congress needs to pass an increase in the debt ceiling to allow the gummint to borrow money to pay for stuff we’ve already committed to. Needless to say, this means that in two weeks, we can count on yet another congressional fuck-tussle. That’s actually a bigger deal than the end of the continuing resolution, since if Congress screws that up, the U.S.A. defaults on its debt and the world economy crashes and nobody ever gets a pony.

Except Mitt. Mitt already has all the ponies he wants, and by god, they will dance.

[TPM / WaPo / Marketplace / Illustration from internetweekly.org]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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