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Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes

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This news pleases usTexas state Senator Wendy Davis, the super filibuster lady who actually gave pro-choice voters hope for a few minutes earlier this year, announced Wednesday that she will make a formal announcement of her future plans on Oct. 3. We’re betting that the upcoming announcement has something to do with either shopping for cute shoes, making a sandwich, or running a kickass campaign for governor in 2014. Probably the shopping.

The El Paso Times reports that Davis

stopped short of revealing her decision, saying she would make a formal announcement about her decision on Oct. 3. But the well-trodden tactic of announcing an announcement clearly signals a campaign far larger than a re-election bid to her state Senate seat. The slow roll out has become a hallmark of modern campaigns.

A Democratic consultant, Jason Stanford, gazed into the scattered entrails of a freshly slaughtered white cockerel and declared,

“This is what you would do before you run for governor, this is not what you would do to run for re-election”

Experts say that Davis would need to raise at least $40 million to run a serious campaign. That’s a lot of money, so maybe she won’t bother. And of course there’s the problem that, according to a former adviser to Rick Perry when he was trying to oops his way to the White House, she is too stoopid to be governor of Texas. If Wendy starts showing off her counting skills, though, you can probably assume she is digging her legendary pink shoes out of the ass of the nearest GOP state senator and running for something … like Barbie’s Dream House Governor’s Mansion.

[El Paso Times]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

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