Tuesday Nice Time! Tennessee Town Finds Perfect Answer To Wingnut 'Family Values' Dude

A round of applause, please, for the town council of Collegedale, Tennessee. Back in August, the Chattanooga suburb became the first municipality in the state to extend spousal benefits to same-sex couples. There was some ugly fallout from the Busybody Brigade, but the town has responded to the latest tut-tutting from a self-appointed Morality Policeman with the greatest aplomb. What happened was that a former state legislator, David Fowler, a Bryan Fischer wannabe who runs the "Family Action Council of Tennessee," published a bloggy thing pretending to complain that the Collegedale town council were intolerant bigots because they voted to "grant moral equivalence to some relationships outside the bounds of natural, heterosexual marriage, but not others" -- i.e., opposite-sex partners in committed but non-married relationships. Yes, that's a "family values" guy calling gay marriage unfair to people who are living in sin.

Fowler got the Collegedale Town Council's attention, all right, but we don't think he'll be too happy with their solution.

Instead of enforcing traditional marriage, they passed a new resolution that will grant spousal benefits to all domestic partnerships. We aren't sure whether to call for an "Amen" here, or a "Neene-neener-neener!" Why not both?

In his dumb blog thing, Fowler adapts the logic and language of Anthony Kennedy's opinion in the case striking down DOMA, and has all kinds of fun playing Sarcastic Opposites Day:

In choosing to give benefits to same-sex couples that are in a committed, loving relationship and not to give those same benefits to heterosexual couples who may have been cohabitating for years, these council members:

1. Chose to “demean” unmarried heterosexual couples and their relationship, and

2. “Humiliate” the children of unmarried heterosexual couples and to make it “even more difficult for [their] children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family.”

Also blahblah "unfair to polygamists" because they only recognize couples, haw haw. Wearing his best "I've got you now, you librul hypocrites" smirk, Fowler proclaims:

This is now the dilemma these council members face. They need to either:

1. extend benefits to all those who are in committed, loving relationships, regardless of number or sex, or

2. admit publicly their own bias and discriminatory attitude toward all cohabitating relationships involving love and commitment that are not recognized by somebody as a marriage.

You see, these council members want to grant moral equivalence to some relationships outside the bounds of natural, heterosexual marriage, but not others.

Funny, though. Instead of admitting their "bigotry," the council said, Hey, good idea, Mister Christian Man! We won't go for the polygamy thing -- because pppthhbbtt! -- but extending benefits to all couples in committed relationships is actually a pretty cool idea! Thanks! As Tennessee-based blogger Betsy Phillips adds,

This is awesome -- and that we have David Fowler to thank for it just makes it all the sweeter.

Sadly, no matter what sarcastic idea Fowler comes up with next, the prospects for goats who want to marry stop signs are probably not so good.

Also, considering that the (possible) Syrian chemical weapons deal seems to have had its genesis in a similar not-really-serious remark by John Kerry, Yr. Wonkette would just like to take this opportunity to challenge the House and Senate GOP to pass single-payer health insurance, because that would really undercut Obamacare. Seriously, guys, it would piss Barry off something terrible.

[ Times-Free Press via Nashville Scene via Wonkette Operative "LZ"]