Need a break from all this argle bargle about The Greatest Country in the History of Ever’s most recent campaign to reduce as many of the world’s brown people as possible to their component parts? Then let us look to the Center for Disease Control, of all places, for some Friday Nice Time!
The birth rate for American teens fell to 29.4 births per 1,000 in 2012 — a six percent drop from 2011, alone. Data shows it fell for all ethnic groups.
To put that into perspective, the report finds it’s the lowest rate in 73 years. That’s how long the government has been keeping track of teen births.
A lot of the progress has been made in the last few years. The birth rate in 2007 was 41.5 births per 1,000 teenage girls — falling almost 30 percent in the last five years.
Obviously this is all the result of Wonkette’s relentless crusade for more buttsechs. We had no idea so many of our readers are teenagers who enjoy anal. Yay us!
Or maybe it’s something else. The homicidal baby-killers at Planned Parenthood and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy were quick to credit increased access to contraception and sex education for teens. The Obama Administration in particular has invested in teen-pregnancy-prevention programs and avoided the abstinence-only bullshit that conservatives are always calling for. In a shocking coincidence, red states continue to have the highest rates of teen pregnancy.
At the other end of the spectrum, birth rates for women between the ages of 30 and 44 have increased slightly, indicating the ladies continue to gobble their slut pills and exercise control over their lives and when to have kids despite the best efforts of the wingnuts to keep this from happening (AND NO HELEN WE DO NOT WANT TO EVER HEAR ABOUT YOU STARTING A FAMILY WITH WHATSHISNAME, GO DRINK A DICK).
To celebrate this good news, Yr Wonkette intends to fuck every teenager between Los Angeles and Los Gatos. Sorry Editrix, we might be too tired/spongy/bruised/incapable of walking to come into work on Monday.