second amendment solutions

Responsible Gun Owners On Parade

well-regulated, maliciousWe started the morning with the tale of responsible gun owner Shemane Nugent, who accidentally forgot that there was a handgun in her carry on luggage; now, even more brilliance from the responsible gun owners of America. How about Wendell Docteur of Stratford, Connecticut? He was out for a ride on his bike with a handgun stylishly stowed in his waistband; the gun went off, wounding him in the right leg. At the hospital, Docteur fabricated a story about being “confronted by a half dozen men, dressed all in black with hooded sweatshirts covering their faces,” who robbed him, shot him, and then ran off yelling “North End, North End,” the name of a neighborhood in Bridgeport (we haven’t done any demographic research, but we’ll bet that “North End” is not primarily home to Vietnamese or Austro-Hungarians).

Docteur’s story fell apart when police asked him why the only hole in his pants was where the bullet exited. He admitted accidentally shooting himself, but “couldn’t account for the handgun he had shot himself with.” He was charged “making a false statement, unlawful discharge of a firearm and failing to report a lost firearm” and released on $10,0000 bond. Always save your receipt when you throw away a gun you’ve shot yourself with!

Our other story of Responsible Firearms Ownership comes from Owasso, Oklahoma, where Joshua Snow heard someone breaking into his home early Monday morning, grabbed his gun, and chased after them wearing only his underwear. He somehow ended up banging on the front door of neighbor Jimmy Null, who looked outside, saw a guy wearing only underwear and carrying a gun, and shot Snow with a 12-gauge shotgun. Perfectly reasonable home protection.

Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office Major Shannon Clark said,

“That’s kind of where things get a little gray … We don’t actually know what took place there.”

“I guess just in the hype of everything taking place, when the guy reached for his own gun, the homeowner at that time fired a shot trying to protect himself and his family.”

Clark added that the more responsible course of action would have been for Snow to call 911 after frightening the burglar away, since Oklahoma law does not actually allow you to chase someone down and shoot them, but where’s the fun in that?

Null will not be charged, and Snow is expected to recover. The burglars were not found.

God knows we feel a hell of a lot safer.

[Connecticut Post via RawStory / RawStory via the tipline]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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