In San Diego, 'Jacking It'

San Diego. You are a lovely city of truly blue oceans and white beaches and great urban parks and really terrific schools and generally well-educated and affluent folk going about their very nice lives. You are a really nice place to visit! But apparently, you wouldn't want to live there, since all your public officials are just constantly either putting rape survivors in headlocks to ask them on "dates," or stone cold ducking out from City Council meetings to have important jizzing sessions in the men's room sink.

Our pals at VoiceofOC had the creamy, viscous scoop:

[T]here never has been a public accounting of how during 2009 [former mayoral candidate, now running for Congress Carl] DeMaio allegedly would leave the San Diego City Council dais during meetings to masturbate in a men’s room — events known by elected officials and suspected by members of the media.

In the months before last November’s mayoral election, Ben Hueso, the City Council’s president in 2009, acknowledged to this reporter that he witnessed DeMaio engaging in the practice twice. Hueso, now a Democratic state senator, and others suspected DeMaio’s alleged inappropriate activity was more frequent.

Describing the scene that spring when he walked in on DeMaio, who was in front of a urinal with his pants down, Hueso said: “DeMaio was masturbating. He jumped, caught by surprise. He jumped to the sink … saying 'I’m sorry, I’m sorry' about six times. Then washed his hands, darted out.”

Obviously the most surprising part of this story is that Carl DeMaio practiced proper hygiene after beating off into the men's room sink in the middle of the city council meeting. Obviously.

We didn't read the rest because it was almost 60 paragraphs long.

But we will say this: while DeMaio's camp denies it -- obviously -- we will rate "Carl DeMaio loves to jerk off into men's room sinks" as completely true without even having to know another thing about it. And that is because a man sharing his love with a sink could not possibly surprise us, unless he fell in love with a garbage disposal, and even that wouldn't really be a "surprise," now would it?

Anyway, we blame the gays. Clearly they slippery sloped poor Carl DeMaio until he forgot that sex is only natural when it is procreative and in an unhappy bush.

[ VoiceofOC ]