Hawaii’s Senator Brian Schatz Didn’t Actually Do Sex On That Sheep

  but you fuck one sheep

WAKE UP SHEEPLEWell, dear Wonkers, it appears you have finally learned what the tip line is for, as you have sent along the Wonkettiest story that ever Wonketted, this Daily Caller masterpiece, “Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals.” Click! Click click click click click click! Oh, now there is sheep sex in 51 open tabs!

Except, oh, it turns out you do not actually have to click, because “Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals” is actually a frat hazing thingy from 1994, at Pomona College, and they would just tell the pledges, yo, fuck this sheep, but then the pledges would not fuck the sheep, and if the pledges were stupid enough to try to fuck the sheep, they would stop them and say, yo, do not actually fuck the sheep.

They did though have the sheep locked up in a sad sex dungeon, with a door between it and its food and water. NOT COOL GAMMA GAMMA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK FRATERNITIES ARE CALLED.

Anyhoo, it’s fuckin’ August dudes. Expect more of the same.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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