John McCain Promises Huge Tip For Strippers

Sen. John McCain would just like to reassure strippers across this great nation that they have nothing to fear from the bill he's supporting that would phase out $1 billsand replace them with dollar coins, because maybe instead of getting pelted with coins, they'll still get bills, just in larger denominations, so yay strippers, and empowerment. Strippers getting more money counts as empowerment, right? [Editrix note: Fuck you, and also, yes.] 

The bill, which is very very cutely called the "Currency Optimization, Innovation and National Savings Act" --COINS, get it?? -- is being pushed as a way to make currency more efficient, and is enthusiastically backed by the vending machine industry, which contends that "Jammed $1 bills in vending machines cost the industry hundreds of millions in annual repair costs and lost sales."

On the downside, managers of "Gentlemen's clubs," which share with Congress the distinction of being the only places to still use the word "gentlemen" without the least bit of self-consciousness, believe that the measure would be Bad For Dancers. The Hill's "In The Know" blog cites one club manager's insights:

“I think it would be very awkward for everyone involved. How much more would a coin weigh than a dollar bill? It would be very hard.”

The manager also astutely pointed out, “You can’t put a coin in a garter belt.”

Haw-haw, he said "hard!"

Sen. McCain, who supports the bill, suggested that the exotic dancing industry would probably find a way to adapt:

When pressed about the predicament facing scores of the country’s skin-baring and bill-collecting women, McCain responded without missing a beat, “Then I hope that they could obtain larger denominations.”

The 76-year-old lawmaker began answering another reporter’s prying questions before cracking a smile and hollering to ITK down a Capitol hallway, “Fives, tens, one hundreds!”

Fives, tens, one hundreds for all! That is nice, that John McCain cares about a living wage and remuneration for so many single mothers and coeds. Or at least the ones what got no clothes.

[ The Hill via Mediaite via Alert Wonkette Operative Monsieur Grumpe]