Welfare for Farmers Bill Passes House; Food Stamps Not Included Because Poors Can Suck It

 
 So remember when World’s Orangest Speaker John Boehner brought up the Farm Bill for a vote and it failed miserably because the GOP is terrible at governing? Ahhh, good times. Well, as Alex noted a few days ago, the House divided the farm bill up into two parts, so that Republicans could vote just on handouts to Big Farm (who just happen by pure coincidence to mostly live in red states) and put off worrying about food stamps until "later." Because with unemployment still high, why focus on poor people when instead you can focus on an industry, where according to the crazy liberals at The Heritage Foundation , “Commercial farmers, who receive the majority of subsidies, report an average net income of $170,000, and a net worth close to $1 million.”  The poors can stick to their soup kitchens. 

In a rare instance of being able to get more yea votes than nay votes, the Big Farm-only bill passed the House of Representatives by a whopping 216-208 vote. All Democrats voted against the bill, because it contained no monies for people who are on food stamps, and Democrats care about the 47% and the 53% and the 99% and all the other percents, whereas the GOP cares only about people with lots of ca$h.

So what’s all this mean?

Since the Senate passed a full farm bill with both ag subsidies (read: government money handed to people but not called "welfare" because farmers have better lobbyists than poor people) and SNAP (the actual name for food stamps -- you’ve been learned!), and the House bill has only part of that, there are a few options.

The House could pass another bill just dealing with Food Stamps. In the farm bill that failed, they tried to cut SNAP funding by $20 billion. Here is a secret draft obtained by Wonkette of the next SNAP bill:

GOP SNAP Bill

Article 1: No more funding shall go to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. Suck it, poors.

Article 2: Mwahahahaha

If the House can’t pass a bill about SNAP, the House and Senate could go ahead and set up a Conference Committee to hash out their differences in their existing bills. If this is the case, whatever compromise version comes out of conference would then have to be voted on by the full House and the full Senate. Since the GOP in the House is full of unstable nutjobs, no one knows how this would go.

If there is no agreement, the House and Senate could pass an extension of the current farm bill. No one wants to do this, but because the House GOP is full of obstinate toddlers who demand to get their way all the time because compromise is a dirty word, it might be the only option left whenever they deem to get around to it.

So the real answer is that no one really knows and we wasted your time just guessing about shit because we are wanna-be political reporters and THAT IS WHAT WE DO!

Since it might be a disaster, we are buying plane tickets now to move to the big gay weed orgy party happening in Colorado. 

[ Heritage Foundation / WaPo ]