Townhall Investigative Reportrix Katie Pavlich Uncovers Shocking Truth: Everyone's Pretty 'Whatever' About Wendy Davis

 
 Man, it seems like just yesterday, and not a full week ago, that the Texas state legislature finished up its Very Special Session with a heroic butt-kicking of the Republican Party, said kicking having been led by one Wendy Davis, a hard-charging state senator who has overcome the crippling twin disabilities of single motherhood and being a total uggo to transform into a legislative badass. We had barely caught our breath when Governor Rick “Pew! Pew!” Perry announced that goldangit, ain’t no silly Harvard-educated salon-hound of a woman gonna keep the state of Texas from doing its righteous duty of preventing the chattel from making choices about their own bodies, no sirree bob! Thus did the members of the Texas legislature find themselves back in the capitol this past Monday for another 30-day special session, because who wouldn’t want to spend all of July in Austin?

What this has meant is a blizzard of bullshit for yr Wonkette to cover, which is difficult enough to do when everything is so awful that we have to start our morning drinking the night before. We don’t need it made worse by some sanctimonious twit spewing easily disprovable lies or cherry-picking irrelevant data points to mount an argument.

Oh hi,  Townhall Editor Katie Pavlich, we didn’t hear you come in. Your ears must have been burning! Have a seat while we begin our lesson in Not Being an Unreconstructed Poop Weasel.

As pro-abortion protestors ascend on the Texas Capitol today, it's good to remind everyone that most of the time, bused in progressive protestors are being paid to protest.

Oh yeah, all   the   time! Oops, wrong party. But you have some prior examples of your own to back up your provocative charge about this totally unusual activity that no political party would ever consider, of course. No? Oh well, please proceed.

Craigslist in Austin currently has an advertisement up for wanted full-time activists. The advertisement was posted on June 29, 2013, just two days before the second special Texas Legislature session started.

That is a helpful screenshot you provided of this ad. Yr Wonkette has seen many similar help wanted ads on craigslist and other job boards, and even back in the day, in the Classifieds section of what people called “newspapers.” It is a canvassing job. You know those people standing on street corners or in the parking lot of the grocery store waving a clipboard at you and asking you to sign a petition to save the whales or heal the bay or some such? We even applied for a couple of such jobs during lean times in our youth (never got hired for one, thankfully; we’re a little too surly to fake enthusiasm unless we think it might lead to sex or alcohol, not necessarily in that order.) Anyway, your standard grassroots political advocacy job. It might involve organizing groups to attend rallies, but that’s not exactly the same thing as busing in protestors, which in your telling has a more underhanded inference.

We noticed that Nation writer Jessica Valenti called you out on Twitter and asked for evidence to back up your claim, to which you responded:

Because the guy doing the hiring told me specifically people are being hire (sic) to bolster Planned Parenthood

Go on. Oh, that’s it? That is the sum total of your evidence that the enormous crowds of protestors outside the Texas State Capitol are augmented by an unspecified number of paid moles bused in from some Soros-backed leftist indoctrination camp? You didn’t go down to the capitol and talk to some of them? You didn’t have a source or two in Planned Parenthood slipping you inside information? Are we to understand that you market yourself as a journalist and yet the only research you did here WAS TO CALL A NUMBER YOU SAW IN AN AD ON FUCKING CRAIGSLIST AND THEN LIE ABOUT THE INFO YOU LEARNED FROM THE PERSON WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE SO THE STORY WOULD FIT YOUR WORLDVIEW?????

No, we’re good, thank you. Let us just catch our breath. We already know that Townhall is untainted by lamestream media practices like "sourcing" and "evidence," and we roll around in this muck every day, and yet sometimes we are still surprised at how angry such utter mendacity can make us. We should recognize the recipe by now: take one data point, sprinkle in some wingnut shibboleths, swirl it around a bit, and you’ve got your own seasoned blend of rightwing crap.

Katie, we’re really looking forward to your run to unseat John McCain in nine years when you're 34 and finally old enough to be in the Senate, and WALNUTS! will be what, 192? The only thing that might get in your way is that by then, your delightfully fact-free communication style may not even stand out from the crowd anymore.

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