WE CAN HAZ TRADITIONAL TERRORIST  2:45 pm June 26, 2013

Screw The Gay Stuff: Sarah Palin Fights To Uphold Sanctity Of Traditional Terrorism

by Kaili Joy Gray

Still stoopidWhile we here in the librulsphere have not yet finished dancing on the graves of DOMA and Prop 8 and lulzing with Nancy at the tears of Michele Bachmann and all the other butthurt conservatives who are rending their garments and crying SO hard because when Jesus said love thy neighbor, they think he stage-whispered “except the gay kind,” some conservatives have a different reaction. That is, none at all. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Gay marriage, you say? Nah, never heard of it. No evil chuckling from Pat Robertson. No whining from Rick Man-on-Dog Santorum. Why, it’s almost as if they are too busy curling up in the fetal position somewhere dark, mumbling argle bargle (that’s an official Supreme Court term, natch!) about Jesus and end times and shit.

But never fear, the half-term governor is here to word salad at us! Just, you know, not about that.

Palin 1

Palin 2

While some conservatives are threatening to do amendments to the Constitution and suddenly caring about the abuse of power by unelected judges who TOTALLY did not abuse their power in the Bush v. Gore decision, which is a different thing and also a long time ago, so shut up and let us never speak of that again, the Quitta from Wasilla is just going to keep on keeping on with her war on Obama we mean terror. Because a thing on Fox “News” says that a “Muslim scholar” had a meeting with “Obama administration officials.” And, as everyone knows, “Muslim scholar” is just fancy talk for “terrorist.” And not the kind of newfangled “ladies what don’t want Texas Republicans all up in their vaginas” terrorists we learned about last night from Texas state Rep. Bill Zedler. Oh no. Palin is fightin’ to preserve the sanctity of traditional muslin terrorism. Plus, it is so much easier to talk about that than to, like, admit defeat on that whole sanctity of marriage thing, which is a SUPER important issue in the Palin family, as Bristol once explained to the president, because she is SO an expert on that stuff.

But thus far, unlike her fellow conservatives — the ones who aren’t paralyzed with sad — Palin has nothing to say on the Supreme Court rulings because she is staying focused on what really matters: hating Obama and also too terrorists (the traditional kind). And Allah knows she is nothing if not all-in, never-surrender committed to her cause. You know, until she quits halfway through it.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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