Republicans Have New Plan To War On Your Ladyparts With Humor

Ever since Republicans got their asses kicked in the 2012 election, they've been curled up in the fetal position, soothing themselves with fantastic stories of how it's not that the majority of Americans think their policies suck ass like an industrial strength Hoover; it's just that they didn't package their ass-sucking policies the right way. Deep down, Americans reallydohate Messicans and homosexicans and chicks and poors, and they reallydowant Republicans to protect the sanctity of Newt Gingrich's three marriages, Mitt Romney's tax cuts, and menfolks' right to rule our ladyparts. They just need to have it 'splained to them the right way, for the MyFace generation and the Twitters.

So this is totes going to work:

“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage on other issues).

Abortion has to be made funny, the thinking goes, because funny sells on social media, and that’s where one goes to court young people. “You can engage with sarcasm, it’s hard with the abortion issue, but you have to,” said Students for Life President Kristan Hawkins at a breakout panel at the Faith and Freedom Coalition Conference in Washington today on how to win millennial voters.

We shudder to imagine the kind of "funny" and "sarcasm" Republicans will deploy to win over the kids these days, with their rock 'n roll music and their "get the fuck out of my vagina, asshole." We shudder, but we will do it anyway.

Why did the terrorist cross the road? To bomb an abortion clinic. But the REAL terror is abortion itself, because it's the Holocaust!HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Knock knock. Who's there? Republicans. Republicans who? Republicans who want to legislate your ladyparts for your own good.HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

So a "pro-lifer" walks into a church to gun down a doctor in the name of Jesus ... and he couldn't complain because it was just a REALLY late-term abortion, like he enjoyed performing all the time because he was a baby-killer!HAHAHAHAHAHAH! That's hilarious! Retweet!

Heck, there are already some real knee-slappers out there on the topic, which we bet will catch on real good with the youngs! Like this!

Somewhere, there's a veritable Shecky Greene, there's the next Milton Berle, there's a budding Bob Hope slouching towards Bethlehem to be born, free to make endless non-jokes about arglebargle baby killers. Too bad Obama will probably murder them in the womb!

[ Salon ]