Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News

Exciting boob toob newz! Sarah Palin will be rejoining Fox News as a "contributor!" Weirdly, the Vanilla from Wasilla, O.G. Sno B. Grifta has done nothing to make us laugh, cringe, weep, sigh, or howl at the moon THAT WE KNOW OF in the roughly one day since the network made the announcement. Patience is counseled. She has never let us down before. Others, yes, she has let down, with her constant quitting and losing. But she loves us, because we talk about her on the internet. But we do not talk about her adorable babies, unless they are dancing on the teevee or copping budz in a parking lot (allegedly?) If you are having trouble remembering who is this Sasha Fallon lady, let us remind you:

Actually, dear god, we were going to give you a Children's Treasury of the best Wonkette "pieces" on our boo, but there are fucking HUNDREDS, maybe thousands! Here are a few we picked because the headlines were funny:

 SARAH PALIN LEADS ‘NOT SURE’ BY 8 POINTS FOR 2014 ALASKA SENATE RACE 

(And 'not sure' keeps its narrow lead over 'rectal bleeding.')

 IS THAT SARAH PALIN’S HAND IN YOUR POCKET OR IS SHE JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU? 

(Yes.)

 SARAH PALIN’S ‘ROLLING MENACE’ BUS TOUR MAKES EVERYONE HATE HER MORE 

(She quit the bus trip halfway through, also too, remember?)

 TODD PALIN ‘LOVE CHILD’ RUMOR COMPLETES TODD PALIN AFFAIR SCORECARD 

(Not ours, we're still missing "snowblower")

 MAN SAYS HE LEGALLY OWNS SARAH PALIN’S FACE 

(Pay up, Roger Ailes (and Jim Hoft!))

 SARAH PALIN NEVER EXISTED 

(Wonkette has about 200 pages of "sarah palin" search results that beg to differ)

And that takes us back through 2011. Even trying to limit results with search terms like "sarah palin fire hose" gives, oh, FOUR PAGES. Also, here is some fun speculation that she took a big pay cut , because she's hard up.

[ USA Today ]