You guys, have we ever turned you on to Fifth Circuit Judge Edith Jones? We mean, have you ever really listened to her, man? She’s a trip. Such big hits like “Scream At Fellow Judges During Oral Arguments,” the evocative “Supreme Court is the Source of Moral Decay,” the ear-worm “If You’re Not Actually Raped No Way is it Sexual Harassment,” and her biggest number to date: “It’s Cool if Your Attorney Sleeps Through Your Trial Because Fuck You.” All of these really pale in comparison to her latest work, though, which we’re calling “Blacks and Hispanics, You So Criminal!”
A group of civil rights organizations and legal ethicists filed a complaint of misconduct against a senior federal judge on Tuesday, alleging that recent remarks of hers showed bias against minority groups and an inappropriate religious belief in the death penalty.
The complaint, against Judge Edith H. Jones of Houston, who sits on the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, asserts that at a speech at the University of Pennsylvania Law School in February she said that blacks and Hispanics were more prone than others to commit violent crimes and that a death sentence was a service to defendants because it allowed them to make peace with God.
Well! That is…bracing! She is breaking some real ground here, people! Let’s check out some of the highlights of this new work:
- That certain “racial groups like African Americans and Hispanics are predisposed to crime,” are “’prone’ to commit acts of violence,” and get involved in more violent and “heinous” crimes than people of other ethnicities;
- That Mexican nationals would prefer to be on death row in the United States rather than serving prison terms in Mexico, and it is an insult for the United States to look to the laws of other countries such as Mexico;
- That Defendants’ claims of racism, innocence, arbitrariness, and violations of international law and treaties are really nothing more than “red herrings” used by opponents of capital punishment;
- That claims of “mental retardation” by capital defendants disgust her, and the fact such persons were convicted of a capital crime is itself sufficient to prove they are not in fact “mentally retarded”; and
- That the imposition of a death sentence provides a positive service to capital-case defendants because defendants are likely to make peace with God only in the moment before their imminent execution.
People, settle down. SETTLE DOWN. These statements may sound dissonant to you right now, much like Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring back in the day, but someday we’ll all look back on this and say Edith Jones was a real trailbreaker, a critical darling, the Malcolm McLaren of the bench and a FUCKING HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL?
Please keep Ms. Jones in mind during the next election cycle when you’re thinking of casting some sort of protest third-party-type-vote-thingy, as she was reportedly on Bush’s short list for the Supremes and will probably rear her horrible hydra head again were another Republican to occupy the White House…unless you’re into that sort of thing. If you are, we’re not judging we’re totally judging.