BOYS WILL BE BOYS  11:04 am June 5, 2013

EPA Contractors Live the Dream in Warehouse Man Caves

by DDM

Help Build the Wonkette ManCave!Work is hard. Gotta wake up in the morning, drag your ass into a fluorescent-lit cubicle next to some guy who plays Nickleback too damn loud all day, and drink whatever brownish soupy sludge passes for coffee these days. That chick on the other side of your shoebox-sized cubicle won’t stop calling her girlfriends to complain about whatever brain-dead loser she hooked up with the night before, or other woman problems. If only there was some retreat in the office with a TV, fridge, even pin-ups (wink wink) to go and relax for a few hours while still on the clock, amiright?

Apparently, some dudes contracting with the Environmental Protection Agency had the same idea, and like that awesome guy who boinked Jennifer Aniston in Office Space, they followed through:

A warehouse maintained by contractors for the Environmental Protection Agency contained secret rooms full of exercise equipment, televisions and couches, according to an internal audit…

“The warehouse contained multiple unauthorized and hidden personal spaces created by and for the workers that included televisions, refrigerators, radios, microwaves, chairs and couches,” the IG report said. “These spaces contained personal items, including photos, pin ups, calendars, clothing, books, magazines and videos.”

Livin’ the dream, man.  That is awesome, except for the whole milking the taxpayers aspect of it, which totally sucks because tax monies should only be used for things like abortions on demand, the Department of Peace, and free health care for undocumented immigrants.

Despite careful planning, including the use of “partitions, screens and piled up boxes to hide the rooms from security cameras in the 70,000 square-foot building,” not to mention shoving aside that crate with the Lost Ark of the Covenant in it, these folks finally got caught by an Inspector General and frog-marched out of the warehouse by EPA security. EPA also stopped all payments to the company running the warehouse, Apex Logistics, which had managed to hose the EPA for a cool $5.3 million since 2007 to run this warehouse/funhouse. Apex Logistics operations manager Art Vandelay could not be located for comment, although gentle snoring sounds were heard coming from under his desk.

When asked about a Wonkette ManCave, Yr DDM was told that our entire budget was being blown by the Grand Editrix on the Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour and the technology needed for the LiveChat with Dan Savage. So, Glorious Readers, it is up to you to raise the funds necessary for the Wonkette ManCave. And if you donate, please know that the money will be blown on whiskey and rum and craft beer, not a ManCave, but please donate anyway because you love us.

[GovExec]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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