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is that sex lemon? It is the way I do itVERY SEXY THINGS.

Buy American Savage now so you too can be ready to ask Dan Savage questions when he joins us June 28, at 1 p.m. Eastern, to lick all the doorknobs and pixels in our secret chatcave.

Do we even have some sexxxy questions ready for him? Well GET A LOAD OF THIS.

My massage therapist is like 24 and gorgeous — mix of sexy Middle Easterns — and I think he is trying to fuck me. I have had many massage therapists, and I have NEVER thought any of them might be trying to fuck me, which is why I think he might be trying to fuck me.

Basically, verrrrry sensual (combined with good deep tissue stuff) and he is like breathing in my ear while he massages me; he is very fast and loose with the sheet; and he does so much inner thigh work he pretty much is within millimeters of having a fistful of muff like half the time he’s rubbing me.

Also, I peeked when he was basically reverse teabagging me (he stretches his body all the way across my back, from my head) and he totally had a bone.

So I am okay with it if he is trying to fuck me! But he probably can’t be like, wanna bone? Because I could complain to the spa and get him arrested. And I can’t be like, wanna bone? Because I figure massage therapists get insulted when people assume they are sexworkers. But maybe it is different for guys? They don’t assume you assume they are a sexworker? Or something?

So I was like “what would Dan tell me to do?” (for real) and basically just started mmmmming and ohhhhhing a lot and being sort of flirty and shit. Also, basically ACTUALLY WAVING MY ASS AROUND IN THE AIR.

And then it was over.

So I figure if he has not tried to fuck me, he probably just wants a good tip from the businesslady entrepreneuress?

–Anonymous

Check back for answers to these and other questions! Also, read his fucking book.

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