Donald Trump Steps Up To Fill The Bachmann-Shaped Hole In American Comedy

 
 Donald Trump wants America to know that he's not going to fade away. Not that anyone had any realistic hopes that he would. A National Review puff piece today says that Trump is once again suggesting he may run for president, because America Needs Him. This is excellent news for anyone who may have thought that the sucker birth rate was declining.

Following a New York Post story suggesting that Trump was exploring a 2016 run (but ignoring a US News story that rolled its eyes and sighed, "No he isn't, you idiots, get real, here are some facts...Christ, why do I even bother?"), NRO's Betsy Woodruff sought out the media-shy billionaire in the hope that he might be persuaded to share his thoughts with the world.

“Right now we’re a leaderless country,” he says. “Nothing’s going on, deals can’t be made, Congress is going in 15 different directions, and there’s nobody to steer them down the proper path. And it’s a very sad situation that’s taking place in the country, and that’s obviously one of the things I look at.”

Trump's chief lickspittle, Michael Cohen (technically, his title is "executive vice president of the Trump Organization"), says that Trump is only thinking about What's Best For The Country:

“He wouldn’t be unhappy if somebody great would just surface and help to rebuild America,” says Cohen. “He would be ecstatic. But that person’s not there, not in our current White House, and not in the cast of characters that appear to be the potential Republican nominees, and this is of concern to him.”

So yeah, Fuckface von Clownstick will only consider running if there's nobody as great as Fuckface von Clownstick in the race. Or if he thinks there might be some publicity in keeping rumors of a run alive. Or if google alerts for "Donald trump 2016" fall below a given level.

Besides, he still hasn't had a chance to use that really funny video he made where he says "You're fired!" to an actor who looks like Barack Obama. Why would the GOP spurn something as awesome as that?

[ NRO / USNews / NYPost ]