Let's All Laugh At The Christianist 'Sociologists' With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!

 A guest post from your comrade Darren Sherkat, a real live sociologist who accidentally thoroughly discredited the bullshit Regnerus "homos kill their babies" study. Hey Wonketteers, remember in “college” when you took that course in “sociology”? You know, the one taught by an androgynous hippy, and where you learned about inequality and racism and sexism, and how to become a communist homosexican? Obviously, you passed or you wouldn’t be reading Wonkette! Well, would you believe that there is an Association of Christians Teaching Sociology ? No fucking way, you say? Way! Indeed, their keynote speaker for this weekend’s meeting is Marky Mark Regnerus -- author of the Bullshit Gay Parenting study! No doubt Marky Mark will be telling his fans about his bullshit study, where he got nearly a million dollars from his boyfriend Bradley Wilcox’s foundation to prove that gays and lesbians make their children homos by molesting them and cause all manner of negative outcomes, too. He did this bullshit study by trolling through an online, non-random marketing study where he asked the trolls who munch Cheetos and fill out questionnaires for monies if their mom or dad ever had a “romantic relationship” with someone of the same sex? Out of 13k non-random trolls, about 245 (depending on which codebook you believe) said yes! Which must mean they were raised by a pack of lesbos, right? Wrong, actually, further analysis inquiries showed that only 2 of the trolls were supposedly raised by lesbians. None of the people were really parented by gays or lesbians. But, in Christian sociology bad data, worse measures, and perfunctory analyses are SCIENCE god damn it, and Marky Mark will be in Illinois telling his little buddies that he proved that gays and lesbians are evil parents! Praise the lord.

Indeed, sociology has been a closet full of Christians teaching sociology since before Karl Marx kicked the bucket. And what, pray tell, do Christian Sociologists do? Well, they blame the poors and the browns and the women and the homosexualists and the commies for all of our “social problems.” Duh! They’ve been doing this shit since the 1880s! Fortunately for you, most of the Christian Sociologists have historically taught at Christianist Bible Colleges instead of your good liberal communist universities.

Unfortunately, history has a way of changing, and not always for the better. With the advance of university education after the commies got to outer space first, bible college seemed a bit lame. First, the christianists renamed their bible colleges “universities,” only that didn’t really seem to help much. Then, a few devious christianists decided to infiltrate higher education and destroy it from within. So, they got all smart acting and kept their bibles locked in their closets. And the rich christianists who made money off of farm subsidies,   oil, and the military industrial complex donated money to lure the best and the brightest christianist children to college and grandcollege to become “idea creators” and to combat the evil ideas of equality, democracy, feminism, non-brown-hating, and shit like that. And, boy, were we surprised! While the rest of us lived on non-vegan inorganic peanut butter and jelly and drank PBR when it was not at all hip and worked extra jobs as sex workers and waitrixes and library serfs, the Christianists had real apartments and paid their rent and could go to conferences and stay at hotels and not have to share the bathtub with four other people and get paid year round by their “fellowships.” Of course, that was only the Christianists with penises, the non-penised christianists had to birth lots of babies and serve their limp patriarchs. 

The Christian sociologists got all kinds of monies to do “research” even when they were lowly graduate students -- some of them had six figure grants, because Science=Jesus=Fuck-you-women-homos-poors-hippies-and-browns. Back in the old days when Bill Clinton was not really having very good sex for Monica Lewinsky, the christianists remained in the closet, so us communist atheist homosexualist sociologists thought they were just like those weird-but-harmless jesus freaks who took too much acid. I remember one time when I couldn’t get tickets to Rage Against the Machine during the real sociology meetings I even bought a gaggle of them shots of good tequila at a Messican restaurant in NYC (well, not really, the nice waitrix who liked me bought us a round…). Surely they were nice guys with funny haircuts and housewives, right? NUH UH! After Al Gore was elected president and kicked out of office the “evangelicals” became “emboldened” and as each one of them made tenure at their public universities they came out of the closet and said things like “feminists are the source of all evil” and “women are whores who hate sex and make good women sad and turn men into homos” and “gays and lesbians are bad parents who molest their children to make them into homosexicans too, also.” 

Unfortunately for me, that last one wound up causing me all sorts of problems, threats of lawsuits from right wing foundations, whore marketing firms, and even harassment from LGBT persons who never quite got the memo about who the bad guys were. Ah well, such is “scholarship,” where the defenders of heterosexuality boldly claim patriarchal superiority while appearing in sissy looking glamour shots with their Ted Haggard haircuts, and the poor Iranianredneck (oh, right, me) fights on in his manly spandex. But just remember when you can’t sleep at night that they are out there. Christian sociologists with millions of dollars doing research to you to prove that you suck and should be locked up and have your children taken away or be forced to have children if you don’t have any and get married to a man if you are a lady even if you don’t like penis and not get married to a man if you do like penis and have one. They even want to close down sperm banks so lesbo-americans and women who are not owned by a penis cannot make babies! What will they do with all that sperm? I do not know.

 Darren Sherkat is Professor of Sociology at Southern Illinois University, and he has been playing with Christian Sociologists for way too long. Also, we guess he is Iranianredneck, too, in addition.