Good news for anyone planning to spend the Fourth of July sweating in the gaseous humidity of our nation’s capital: gibbering baboon fart and one-time Ken Layne man-crush Adam Kokesh has cancelled his thousand-person-strong march of armed morons who love the Second Amendment so much they just can’t shut the fuck up about it, ever. Bad news for anyone planning to spend the Fourth of July in the capital of any one of our fifty-seven states: Kokesh is calling for his followers to instead march on each state capital to demand the dissolution of the federal government. Good luck with that!
Kokesh is in jail in Philadelphia right now after being arrested for assaulting a police officer at a pro-marijuana legalization rally and has been denied bail on what his supporters claim are trumped-up charges. So in a savvy public-relations move, he made his announcement by calling the radio show of jabbering melon-head Pistol Pete Santilli, recently seen in these pages threatening to shoot Hillary Clinton in her Benghina for the crime of being Secretary of State when something bad happened in the world:
If it wasn’t for this, what would be happening this Independence Day? What would be going on? Would we be marking Independence Day by practicing collectivism and tribalism and ‘Go Team’ and all that crap…
I’ve always thought when we’re saying is, look guys we can do this the easy way or the hard way. And this is sort of like, hey guys, last chance to do it the easy way.
Yes, nothing says FUCK YOU TRIBALISM like getting together with a thousand other like-minded patriots to stagger through the Washington heat with an AR-15 slung over your shoulder while singing “Blowin’ in the Wind.” It’s almost as if you’re all part of some sort of group or clan or some other word that we can’t quite think of right now.
Kokesh also wants everyone to know that he’s really triple-super-serious about his calls for revolution you guys OMG, so in his press release about the change of plans for the march, he gives America a deadline for acceding to his demands:
A new American revolution is long overdue. This revolution has been brewing in the hearts and minds of the people for many years, but this Independence Day, it shall take a new form as the American Revolutionary Army will march on each state capital to demand that the governors of these 50 states immediately initiate the process of an orderly dissolution of the federal government through secession and reclamation of federally held property. Should one whole year from this July 4th pass while the crimes of this government are allowed to continue, we may have passed the point at which non-violent revolution becomes impossible.
Oh well, since you said it like that, we’re sure all fifty governors will immediately start the process of breaking up into fifty little fiefdoms instead of directing their multitudes of law enforcement agencies to enforce the nation’s laws against violent insurrection. Or you could try to convince people through the power of your rhetoric, but gosh darn it, that’s so much harder than simply shooting someone.