Of Course Alex Jones Thinks The Government Did That Tornado To Oklahoma, He Is Alex Jones

Ah, wonderful. We have now reached the stage, after a natural -- or maybe not-so-natural -- disaster when certifiably insane people who for some reason have radio shows instead of padded cells explain that the G men in unmarked helicopters did that tornado to Oklahoma. Sure, itmighthave been nature -- or maybe it was God punishing the homosexicans again, since he's always all, like, "I am going to rain and wind on you, humans, because you won't stop having buttsex!" -- but Alex Jones, who has previously warned us that tip lines are JUST LIKE HITLER, so you know he's not at all bugfuck crazy, knows what really happened maybe wink wink :

While he explained that "natural tornadoes" do exist and that he's not sure if a government "weather weapon" was involved in the Oklahoma disaster, Jones warned nonetheless that the government "can create and steer groups of tornadoes."

According to Jones, this possibility hinges on whether people spotted helicopters and small aircraft "in and around the clouds, spraying and doing things." He added, "if you saw that, you better bet your bottom dollar they did this, but who knows if they did. You know, that's the thing, we don't know."

So if anyone spotted any helicopters in the Oklahoma area on Monday, please call the tip line to -- wait, no, don't do that. Just, um, be aware that when weather happens, it is probably the government Holocausting us with its powerful "weather weapons." And buy some duct tape maybe? Hey, there's an "offset" idea for you, Sen. Tom Coburn, who only wants relief for the people of his state if said relief is "offset" with budget cuts elsewhere. Maybe we could slash the budget for the government's secret weather weapons to pay for, like, disaster relief. Would that be okay, or must the "offsets" be things like food and health care for kids?

Or maybe Alex Jones should just stick to helping conspiracy theorists find true love .

[ Media Matters ]