Maxim has ranked all the ladies by their true value — hotness and/or notness — and Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s sniveling Igor, Ben Shapiro, is not pleased! Is he not pleased because of how it is degrading to judge God’s creatures by their boobies? Of course not, don’t be a fucking idiot! He is not pleased because one of Maxim’s hot 100 is a Democrat, and another is a lady in her 40s. A lady in her 40s?! She can probably not even get pregnant without medical intervention! How could a lady who cannot bake a man’s seed into a human loaf be “hot”? Like, is that not the purpose of hotness, to bake babies? Who would want to do sex on a wizened crone of 48? That is even older than gross old crone Cameron Diaz! Is it even legal???
As if Maxim’s Hot 100 wasn’t already bizarre enough this year – Miley Cyrus at #1? Really, Maxim? – clocking in at #79 is Hoda Kotb of the Today Show (she is 48 years old) and at #54 is Kamala Harris, attorney general of the state of California and President Obama favorite. Maxim ranks Kotb above Alice Eve (#84, a former Maxim cover girl) and Rebecca Mader (LOST), among others.
We do not know who any of those people are who are putatively “hotter” in Shapiro’s opinion than Kotb and Harris. Well, we know who Miley Cyrus is, as we have been told her shorts are so short you can see her tonsils.
As for Harris, she absurdly ranks above Rachel McAdams (The Notebook, #55), Emmy Rossum (Phantom of the Opera, #56), Eva Mendes (#57), and Brooklyn Decker (#59). Here’s how Maxim describes her:
The current Attorney General of California cracks down on hate and financial crime like a bawss and created the Environmental Justice Unit in San Francisco. She makes following the law super sexy!
Forget the fact that Harris doesn’t really follow the law – she, along with Governor Jerry Brown, refused to represent Proposition 8 in court. She’s a leftist, like Hoda. And that means she’s hot! The only true surprise on the list: Hillary Clinton wasn’t #1.
Haw haw. Get it? Hillary Clinton is even older than 48. And she wears glasses. And sometimes she doesn’t even wear makeup or wash her hair, as if it is not her job to look super yummy fuckable when she yells at Darrell Issa on TV.
(That is Kamala Harris’s job instead. Can somebody please arrange for her to yell at Darrell Issa?)
When will America do the right thing, and Logan’s Run Hillary Clinton? Her face is old, and has killed Ben Shapiro’s boner. Time to die!