False Freak Flag

Minnesota Terror Suspect: Patriot, Gun Fondler, Juggalo

carpe jugulumSo, yet another home-grown terrorist has been arrested, this time a 24-year-old man who was stockpiling guns, pipe bombs, and Molotov cocktails in his parents’ mobile home near Montevideo, Minnesota. We don’t wish to stereotype (actually, why not, since it saves time?), but you have to figure that somebody with a name like Buford “Bucky” Rogers was destined for a life as a used car salesman, minor-league sportsball player, or third-rate failed terrorist. Oh, and he’s also a Juggalo, because just having a grudge against the gummint is no longer enough — to stand out, you also have to be a Wayne Newton impersonator or collect celebrity pap smears or something.

Rogers does not appear to have been a criminal mastermind; instead of a secret lair under a dormant volcano, he had a mobile home, and there is no evidence that he had a harem of exotic lady assassins, either — though his Facebook page does have lots of nice pictures of him posing with guns. The single-wide reportedly had two handmade signs outside; one read “BSM,” for “Black Snake Militia,” the name of his family’s government-resistance group. (What, your family doesn’t have a militia? Not even a “compound”?) The other sign, explains Fox9.com, reads

“No more I.F.R.D. We are not slaves” — a misarranged reference to false Internet rumors the Affordable Care Act would require radio frequency identification (RFID) chips in U.S. citizens.

Mutherfuckin’ English! How does it work?

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Needless to say, Rogers’ friends and family are certain that he is being framed by an out-of-control federal government that fears Real Americans. The Minnesota Star-Tribune reports that his father, Jeffrey Rogers, believes that the FBI is simply rounding up patriots in the wake of the Boston bombings, which were, of course, also an inside job because really, the only thing the federal gummint does these days is blow up its own citizens in fake terror attacks:

“The government’s railroading my kid, probably because of all the bombings and crap,” he said looking up from his work. “It’s just like the Boston one. All of us believe that’s false. A government deal.”

Jeffrey Rogers said all the guns seized belonged to him and were legally owned. As far as pipe bombs, there were “none that I know of.” He is a plumber by trade, and pipes may be lying around the area.

This makes perfect sense, and there’s no reason to believe law enforcement officials who say that they removed an assload of explosives from the Rogers property, describing them as

sophisticated pipe bombs and others that are normally packed with nails and other types of shrapnel. Others found in the shed were considered unstable. A federal SWAT team that included bomb-demolition specialists removed the explosives and later detonated them, sources said.

But let’s not forget the real victims here: Innocent Juggalos, who simply want to listen to the crappy music of Insane Clown Posse, drink some Faygo and be left in peace. A Juggalo blog published a cri de butthurt condemning the totally unfair media portrayal of this case:

Already anti-Juggalo comments are surfacing from all around, and many people are beginning to jump straight to the “guilty” conclusion. Now of course Rogers could very well be completely innocent, and this has all been blown out of proportion because of some old rants on a social media site and is thus being made an example of by the FBI. As I have stated before, They (the FBI, etc.) are going to look for anything and everything they can to use against us in the FBI-Gang Status case that is unfolding. This could just all be jumped up – or it may not be. There is just too little evidence right now to support a decision either way.

Be sure to keep checking back to FLH as this story develops, and as always Juggalos, take care of one another, especially during this time as another attempt to soil our family’s name is launched against us.

Because if there’s anyone the government fears more than armed citizens and their family militias, it’s the global family of Juggalos.

[StarTribune.com / Fox9.com / CityPages / Faygoluvers.net]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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