Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away

  a challenger appears!

I've seen pictures of Roy Moore. Here, have some anime pool girls insteadBig news, everyone! No, not this stupid WND story about an attempt to appeal a birther lawsuit to the Alabama Supreme Court — that’s not especially surprising, and as always, birthers can go drink a dick. The really big news is that birthers have finally Frank Luntzed their branding: apparently the preferred nomenclature is now “Obama eligibility challengers,” dude.

So anyhoo, the new birther lawsuit isn’t actually new, of course; it’s an appeal of a case that was already dismissed by a lower court, but instead of just relying on Orly Taitz, they’ve got some real star power behind this sucker!

2012 Constitution Party presidential nominee Virgil Goode and Alabama Republican Party leader Hugh McInnish have filed a case seeking to force Secretary of State Beth Chapman to verify that all candidates on the state’s 2012 ballot were eligible to serve.

And unlike all the other pointless cases claiming that the President is Not One Of Us, this case has a secret weapon: Roy Moore managed to win back a seat on the Alabama Supreme Court in that very same election! Moore, you recall, is the guy who thunked down a two-ton 10 Commandments monument in front of the Alabama Supreme Court, got thrown out of office for refusing to remove it, and then lugged the thing around the state on the back of a flatbed truck in 2005, for Freedom. He also said in a 2010 interview with WND that he is not convinced that Barack Obama is a natural born citizen, because DUH, he’s fucking Roy Moore.

Also, another Alabama Supreme Court Justice, Tom Parker, gave birthers some hope in an earlier case; he concurred with a decision denying a review of Obama’s ballot eligibility, but thought maybe there were “legitimate” concerns that the Hawaiian birth certificate was forged. So, yeah, that’s a two-judge birther powerhouse on Alabama’s 9-member Supreme Court. Get ready for this case to go all the way, baby!

Because of course maybe an investigation will show that not all the candidates on the 2012 ballot weren’t eligible! And maybe if Obama’s eligibility for the Alabama ballot is rescinded, the state’s 9 electoral votes will go to Mitt Romney — again, and twice this time!! — and then other states will rescind the 2012 election, and then the One Ring will be cast into the fires of Mount Doom and Obama’s face will melt off like the Nazi guy in Raiders and then we’ll all get drunk and go nayyy-kedddd, and lie in a great big pile!

This is what liberals are terrified of, says WND nebbish Drew Zahn, who sees the Alabama Democratic Party’s filing of a brief opposing a review of the case as a sign that they

have jumped into the case out of concern Moore may not be so quick as other judges to dismiss challenges to Obama’s eligibility.

Why, just look at how scared these Democrats are of the truth:

“Stated simply,” the brief reads, “there is absolutely nothing any Alabama court can do to change the reality of President Obama’s election to a second term in office. … No Alabama court has the authority to delve into the legality, conduct or results of that election.” …

The document scoffs at “birthers” as a “tiny cabal of zealots” and quotes late-night comedian Jimmy Kimmel – not widely recognized as a constitutional expert – to make its case: “These people could have personally witnessed Obama being born out of an apple pie, in the middle of a Kansas wheat field, while Toby Keith sang the National Anthem – and they’d still think he was a Kenyan Muslim.”

Yep, whenever you quote a comedian to make a point, that’s evidence that you’re either running scared, or maybe you think your opponent is just RIDICULOSE.

But wouldn’t it be a hoot if Moore actually did push the appeal through with a one-vote majority, and then the Secretary of State determined that while Obama was just peachy, maybe she’d also find that Moore was ineligible in 2012, and so he had no authority to be on the court? That would be like one of those wacky time-travel paradox stories! Actually, if anyone out there has a working time machine, we would like to volunteer Roy Moore for a mission to go back in time to kill Hitler.

[WND]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

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