a fine whine

Biggest Victim of Last Week Was Mark Sanford, Says Mark Sanford

Tunes for the tone-deaf.

Sad sex monster Mark Sanford took out a full-page ad in the Charleston Post & Courier on Sunday just to tell America: Mark Sanford knows that “it’s been a rough week.” It was a confusing time, these past days, and how about this media coverage last week, right? “The media does all of us a disservice in throwing these things to the front page as this paper did, before all the facts are known,” Sanford opines. Too true, too true. Accordingly, Mark Sanford would like a minute of your time to discuss how Mark Sanford is doing in the wake of these vicious attacks. Curiously, however, at no point is Mark Sanford ever talking about the Boston Marathon bombings.

South Carolina Soapbox transcribed his print ad, which you can read in full here.

He opens with a plaintive whine:

Related video

It’s been a rough week, and so I wanted to write to address both Wednesday’s news and the new incoming attacks by Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. Accordingly, I’d really appreciate you reading this.

Sure, Mark, America isn’t busy right now. Let’s all re-hash the details of the night you trespassed at your ex-wife’s home.

By original accounts you would have thought I was randomly sneaking around the house at Sullivans, when, in fact, I was returning a son from a neighborhood Super Bowl party. I did, indeed, watch the second half of the Super Bowl at the beach house with our 14-year-old son because, as a father, I didn’t think he should sit alone and watch it. Given Jenny was out of town, I tried to reach her beforehand to tell her of the situation that had arisen, and met her at the back steps and told her what had happened under the light of my cell phone when she returned. There are always two sides to every story, and time will tell as to whether I made the right call in that instance as a father. What I know in the meantime is that the media does all of us a disservice in throwing these things to the front page as this paper did, before all the facts are known.

Here is someone who thinks he is making things better by explaining that he speaks to his ex-wife “by the light of [his] cell phone” on her back porch, at night, like some freakish ghoul. Sounds sympathetic! Anyhow, this isn’t even the worst injustice against Mark Sanford these days. He goes on to express incredulous outrage that supporters of his Democratic opponent Elizabeth Colbert Busch are “spending money” in a “campaign” in order to “win.”

This week Pelosi’s committee, whose aim is to take back the U.S. House of Representatives put up $370,000, while the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee committed to spending another $200,000 – bringing their total “investment” in this race to almost $1 million. The question for taxpayers here is what would these Democrats “buy” with this million? Most folks I talk to say it wouldn’t be an independent voice, but rather a consistent voice for the Democratic agenda. Mrs. Colbert Busch has, in fact, rooted for the Democrats to take over the House of Representatives in 2014 and hopes to be a part of it – and among her most significant procedural votes would be her vote for Pelosi as Speaker of the House.

That is a very astute observation, Mark, that the candidate running as the Democratic nominee would be a “voice for the Democratic agenda.”

Sanford then rambles for several hundred words about riding around in airplanes and concludes with the most ironclad credential he can offer for re-electing Mark Sanford to office: “We had the lowest travel expenses of any governor in the last thirty years.” Good job, Mark! Remind them about your travel. Good luck with your nine-point deficit in the latest polls.

[SC Soap Box]

Related

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.