we have always been at war with east chechnya

Sources Confirm: With News That Boston Bombers Were Chechen Muslims, Pam Geller’s Sheets A Total Loss

It's a Pamgasm!Like most of you, Yr Wonkette woke up this morning to news announcers cautioning that the story from Boston is “still developing” and “we don’t know all the facts yet,” but for the rage distribution device known as Pam Geller, the only necessary fact is in place: the bombers were Muslims from Chechnya. (Or ethnic Chechens from Kyrgyzstan, according to the Boston Globe, but Those People are all the same.) So the important question must be asked: how much lady jizz did Pam Geller stream onto her leopard print sheets?

The headlines on the site have gone to Full Freakout Mode: “BOSTON JIHAD: BOSTON MARATHON BOMBERS IDENTIFIED AS CHECHEN MUSLIMS,” and then shortly afterward, “BOSTON JIHADI BOMBER’S FACEBOOK PAGE: ISLAM AND BOMBS” and more recently, “BOSTON JIHADI BOMBER’S DAD WARNS ‘HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE’ IF SON DIES” — this last headline conveniently omitting the part of the story where the suspects’ father urged the surviving suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, to give himself up.

While events developed overnight, Geller also jumped onto a Reddit-derived rumor that a Brown University student who went missing a month ago is very definitely part of the plot — even though
that rumor has been debunked. But, hey, the missing student is an Indian Muslim, so why not fear him? Geller has achieved something pretty impressive here — she still has that story up, with no correction, even after Jim Hoft corrected his story making the same claim. When you’re less accurate than the Stupidest Man On The Internet, you’re in sad shape.

Geller’s most recent update, of course, reminds us that the bombers are not merely murderers and terrorists, but that we must hate all Muslims forever:

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BOSTON JIHAD BOMBER DESCRIBES WORLDVIEW AS “ISLAM”: “DO GOOD, BECAUSE ALLAH LOVES THOSE WHO DO GOOD”

Apparently targeting, mutilating and slaughtering women and children falls under that category. Even the NY Times is reporting on jihad, but I am switching back between all the major networks and there is a complete disconnect to motive. Criminal negligence. The war is here and they continue to disarm the American people.

New York Times reports:
“Both brothers have substantial presence on social media. On Vkontakte, Russia’s most popular social media platform, the younger brother, Dzhokhar, describes his worldview as “Islam” and, asked to identify “the main thing in life,” answers “career and money.” He lists a series of affinity groups relating to Chechnya, and lists a verse from the Koran, “Do good, because Allah loves those who do good.”

At press time, Geller’s sheets were being buried with full military honors, a nation grateful for their service.

[Atlasshrugs no link, because, again, ick / Boston Globe]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his pseudonym after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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