FBI Presser: Help Your Wonket Racially Profile The Boston Massacre Suspects

Blah blah blah "innocent until proven guilty," and also "Richard Jewell" and ALSO also "that Anthrax mailer guy who wasn't or something?" Let us assume -- with the proper caveat -- that the FBI is correct and has found its men. The IMPORTANT QUESTION here is: so were those dudes Middle Eastern? Is Pamela Geller going to shoot a stream of lady jizz on her doubtless leopard-print sheets? Or were they Black Irish? Eyetalian? We honestly cannot tell, and we don't know if we should hate all Muslins now, or just douchey white dudes? Were they Black Bloc* types in "Clean for Gene" disguise? Are they Louie Gohmert's taco terrorists? Were they Columbine-styley nihilists? They don't seem to be Stormfront Tea Party Tax Day Protest Monsters, so congratulations, all you guys! Instead, they looked about 20 years old. Wait a minute -- is one of them STEFAN BC???

Let us be scientific about this: if Jim Hoft, the New York Post, or CNN thinks dudes are Middle Eastern, then we know they are white.

*We are still mad about the plot to bomb that bridge, and don't care if you were "entrapped." How about "don't say yes when someone tries to talk you into BOMBING A FUCKING BRIDGE, ASSHOLE." The end.