Dana Perino Drops Jay-Z Diss Track, Embarrasses Every White Person Everywhere
Unless you are a cave-dweller or some sort of luddite (in which case it is weird that you broke your anti-technology stance for Wonkette, but bqhatevwr) you were unable to avoid the Mr. Z goes to Cuba movie this week, complete with Jay-Z diss track. If you are a normal person, you listened to the new track and thought one of three possible thoughts: (1) Hova is BACK; (2) Hova is awesome but this track is meh; (3) Hova is just not my cup of tea thank you. If you are not a normal person and you work at Fox News, you decided to record your own incredibly embarrassing rap:
Friday on Fox News, former White House press secretary Dana Perino vented her frustration with pop stars Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s decision to visit Cuba by composing a rap of her own . Re-dubbing herself “Tiny D-Day P,” Perino did her best, rhyming “white like Casper” with her dog’s name, Jasper...
It isn't THAT bad. OK, it is that bad, but on a scale from one to Accidental Racist , it is only about an eleventy. A couple other factors, though, push it up the chart of terrible. First, there's the smug sarcastic white-lady intro: "rap is such a complicated form of music." We have nothing to say to this except shut the fuck up Dana Perino. Rap is a complicated form of music, and just because it scares you because "black man" doesn't un-complicate it. Next, there's the weird Bey diss: "if you don't think Beyonce fears me, go ahead and ask her." Uhhh....Fox, you do understand that Jay-Z -- he's the black dude, not the black lady -- recorded the track? Also, Sasha Fierce could eat Dana Perino whole and still have room left over to snack on the corpses of the long-forgotten lesser members of Destiny's Child. Don't start no stuff won't be no stuff, Fox News. (Side note: yr Editrix promised us we'd get to do music reviews when she launches her WonkPost media empire but if it means reviewing Dana Perino or Brad Paisley songs any longer, we're out.)
Finally, we'd be remiss in passing up an opportunity to point out that although Dana Perino nicknamed herself "Day-P" for the purposes of this monstrosity, in our juvenile heart of hearts, we'll always think of her as MC DP.
Wonket out.
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If only our misery had lasted just eight years. We're already well into the second of Dumbya's Decades of Derp.
Because they're not visitng a Friend of American and Pillar of Democracy. Like, say, China.