A Children’s Treasury Of Hot New Pix Of Barack Obama, For You To Fap To

  choose your own adventure

i pinch your headHoooray it is White House Flickr Update Day! Just be sure to come out of your bunk in time to see Steve Cohen’s press conference regarding his deleted Cyndi Lauper tweet, 1 p.m. Eastern, because that shit is gonna be cray.

The picture above reminds us of that Charles Bukowksi story where the lady shrinks the man down to six or eight inches, we forget, and then shoves him up her muff. We are pretty sure it is in Fuck Machine, because we seem to remember our parents reading it aloud to us at the dinner table, and that was definitely the one they were reading from. Also, the scene from Tracks where someone takes a shit on Louise Erdrich’s pillow.

burn him, burn the witchIn this picture, Barack Hussein Obama meets with Jerusalem witches.

biden and barackBut why is mean old Barack Obama dressing down Old Handome Joe Biden in this picture? Is it for showing him up by being too awesome? Duh. Of course it is.

indy obamaIn this picture, is Barack Obama running from Indiana Jones’s scary boulder, or is he running across rooftops with his friend Chest Rockwell? We will never know.

obama and the womenIn this picture, Barack Obama pretends there are women who work at the White House. (Look, they even hired Mary Louise Parker to play a staffer.) That is so cute!

angry obamaAnd in this picture, Pete Sousa has made Barack Obama look like a monster/angry black man (same thing). You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. (We are just kidding, of course you would like him when he’s angry. You would like him in a boat, and with a goat, and on a train and in the rain, and all of the things, you would like him.)

The end.

[WhiteHouseFlickr]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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