Sure, we're willing to compromise. Absolutely. Bipartisanship is magic.Now, here’s an unexpected development! Creamsicle-tinted bus-stop ashtray John Boehner has rejected President Obama’s super-kind offer to please take old people’s lunch money and not beat them up any more, please, because it is not enough money from old people and too much money from bejillionaires. Damn you and your divisiveness, Barack Obama!

“Despite talk about so-called balance, the president’s last offer was significantly skewed in favor of higher taxes and included only modest entitlement savings. He said he could go no further toward the middle, and that’s why his last offer was rejected,” Boehner said in a statement.

For his part, Barack Obama is believed to be completely dumbfounded that his willingness to sell out key parts of his constituency did not meet with approval from Republicans, considering what a rousing success that strategy has been throughout his presidency.

In response to the Obama budget proposal, House Republicans are expected to pass bills repealing health care reform and banning abortion.


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