Let's All Be Friends With Sarah Palin's Number One Fan 'M. Joseph Sheppard,' He Seems Nice

Your Editrix, as a nice middle-aged lady who types dick jokes on the Internet -- and who before that typed dick jokes in newspapers and such -- has had her share of creepy stalkers over the years. SO MANY creepy stalkers. (And also many people who would write letters on actual paper and send them via the actual post explaining that a good raping would fix her right up, and also did she know she's a Jew?) Well, within milliseconds of her buying Your Wonket last year, she had a new one, a Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard what writes the Internet's No. One Sarah Palin Fanblog (or the Internet's No. 15724 Sarah Palin Fanblog, but who is counting, certainly not Mr. M. Joseph Sheppard). So this guy is dumb and annoying and more focused on your Editrix's heaving bosoms than even you Terrible Commenters are. But the thing is, we feel like M. Joseph Sheppard is just lonely . And because we are a liberal, this makes us want to reach out and gather him into our beginning-to-sag arms, except that he would totally get a gross boner, gross. But let us try anyway to turn his frown upside down and his enemyship into the ship that's a friend!

From the beginning, M. Joseph Sheppard has had some issues with reading comprehension and also with lying.

Here is the kind of idiot thing M. Joseph loves to type:

And a statement from her own autobiography at "Commie Girl Collective" where she makes this comment:

"Are you really a Communist? No. I am a socialist."

Well we will all just have to take her word for it won't we? What we do know is that Schoenkopf, as recently as July 19th, ran this article decrying what she terms as "Reds under the beds' which is exactly the sort of Alinskyite response to anyone bringing attention to possible Communist influences-like my post, as I am sure will be the case.

You all got that? It is ALINSKYITE to laugh at Matthew Boyle for getting the vapors over COMMUNIST JEW SUMMER CAMPS. We feel like there is another term, also ending with "ite" that might have described the original breathless Boyle fart in the first place? It is right there at the tip of our fingers, but we just can't seem to find it, oh well.

Also, he crowed on Twitter that the "SHOCKING READ" above had garnered him a record 1200 pageviews. But did he thank you, commenters? He did not.

Here, M. Joseph Sheppard manages a threefer : the man with zero comments on every post concern trolls at our low number of comments, brings back the ancient Trig slur (as he does in every post), and explains that he is way better at websites than is your Wonkette.

The comments on recent Wonkette posts are running into the pathetic 50-60's as the amount of anti-Romney posts seems to increase at a feverish pace to try and drum up equally feverish "snark" from the various layabouts that infest the site.

It couldn't happen to an "un-nicer" (she complains of my punctuation so I tossed that one in to give her another really really important point to consider) person in the form of the new owner/editor.

The disgusting, execrable leftist hate site "Wonkette" of "Trig is a retard" infamy was recently purchased (why?) and has had the site revamped. It looks sterile, as if it mattered what the face of hell looked like btw, but what do I know having been on the executive of a magazine for four years.

We are gonna put that as our new tagline: The Face of Hell. Serious, unironical thanks for that, M. Joseph!

So, basically he writes boring things about us all the time, so what who cares. We blocked him on Twitter, because he is boring and stupid and also creepy and also way too into our boobz. AND ALSO he is constantly citing white supremacist Robert Stacy McCain as some kind of moral authority, which, Jesus.

But then this made us love him all over again:

You guys, that is adorable. (Also, people immediately sent us money to buy Dok in M. Joseph Sheppard's honor, so thank you M. Joseph Sheppard!)

How could anybody ever be mad at this fella? He is just a simple, gross, creepy man, who loves Sarah Palin and hates communists, and we should bombard him with love rays and sunshine and also sing that song from Whoville at him instead of making #WAR.

We're not even kidding, we are totally serious. Let's make M. Joseph Sheppard our pet conservative, and see how many sizes we can make his heart grow today.

(NOT YOUR PENIS, M. JOSEPH. YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY.)

L'chaim, M. Joseph. Peace be with you.

Love,

Wonket