It’s been at least three seconds since the crackpots cooked up a good conspiracy theory about Obama Hitler Kenya Muslims Socialism Something Something BENGHAZIIIII!!!!!, so we are all very relieved that the Easter Bunny brought us this shiny new bauble of crazy:
On Easter Sunday, Google is honoring the birthday of the late labor organizer Cesar Chavez by placing a Chavez portrait within the middle “o” of the Google logo that appears on the homepage of the popular search engine.
While Google frequently decorates its logo to celebrate various holidays and special events, it is unclear why the company chose specifically to honor Chavez’s birthday, instead of Easter Sunday.
Why yes, it sure is “unclear” why Google would honor Chavez’s birthday ON HIS BIRTHDAY. But when in doubt, blame President Obama because he “released a statement in 2011 proclaiming March 31 ‘Cesar Chavez Day.'” Obviously, this was part of a two-year plan to force Google to honor some brown dude instead of Jesus. OBVIOUSLY. Just look at this air-tight argument from the keen investigative minds at The Daily Caller:
Google CEO Eric Schmidt was an informal adviser to both of President Obama’s presidential campaigns, a member of the Obama White House transition team in 2009 and a onetime prospect for an Obama Cabinet post during the president’s second term.
Do you get it now? Case closed. But wait! It gets even worse than that when you realize that actually, this was all a plot to honor Hugo Chavez, who is a different brown dude with the same last name and also from a different country, but whatev, all those Chavezes look the same to us:
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
It didn’t help that conservative Twitter watchdogs Twitchy, led by Michelle Malkin, misidentified the Google doodle in question as Hugo.
Shut up, you guys, anyone could have confused labor leader and civil rights activist Cesar Chavez with the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. It’s not like Michelle Malkin is A Idiot.
The real story — as any crazed uncle with dial-up and an AOL account and a twitchy “forward” finger can clearly see — is that Obama and The Google conspired to war on Easter and piss on the grave of American Jesus by honoring the birthday of an evil Mexican Venezuelan socialist who cared about the poors, which clearly goes against everything Jesus actually cared about. After all, that’s why Jesus drove the moneylenders from the Temple and into mortgage-backed securities, because the housing market was a sure thing, and blessed are the rich because they are better than all of us combined. And that is why Obama sucks and also Google sucks, and everyone should use Ask Jeeves now for all their Googling needs. Amen.