Dear Hero 47% Dude: Please Do Not Go To Law School

This week the man behind the video that completely disproved any thesis that Mitt Romney was capable of human emotions other than wrath and hatred went inside of Ed Schultz’s grizzly cave and self-doxxed. The world finally was able to put a name and a face to the man whose videotaping skilz accomplished more than a million filthy Occupy protesters in provoking our glorious and long overdue class war. Thanks Bartender/Comrade Scott Prouty! May you live a long a fruitful life in defiance of Mittens and Michael Wolff!

Sadly for Bartender Scott, despite his previous efforts to avoid publicity and the insane backlash that one might expect from a movement where Ted Nugent is a major figure, he is in the unenviable position of being publicly targeted by our nation's most thorough countertop inspectors. He’s already received death threats, and his financial situation is a bit precarious seeing as he almost single-handedly pissed off every member of the 1% in allowing “the boy” to assume another four years in office (fuck those guys Scott, they were shitty tippers anyway). In his desperation, however, Scott is considering the worst possible option for someone with “empathy,” “morality,” and a concern about labor rights:  he wants to go to law school .

Prouty told David Corn that he is happy to receive donations from supporters, but that he would prefer that people would support either the ASPCA or the Institute for Global Labor and Human Rights. However if people insist on helping him, he wants people to know that he has a plan:

I'm hoping that I don't need to spend a lot of money on lawyers and security. If people are generous and there are any funds left over after these costs are covered, I would use the remaining money to pay for going back to school. I've been bartending for eight years and I'd like to move forward with a job that lets me help others.

This is heartbreaking for a variety of reasons (the first being that it’s a wonderful country where a member of “the help" has to live in fear for his life for simply making an unedited recording a rich person’s remarks about the insolent poors). But mostly it's this quote from Bartender Scott that makes your Wonkette have a bit of a sad:

It's always been my dream to attend law school.I'd like to be a socially responsible lawyer who can help the 47 percent navigate our legal system. Thank you for your donations!

Oh for the love of christ Scott do not do this. At your previous job you demonstrated the type of honesty and hardworking decency that this country has always celebrated in our labor force. You served people drinks (which by itself means that you have permanently earned your place in heaven) and in doing so you also managed to expose the putrid sack of unfeeling desperation that was Mitt Romney. You specifically stated that you value “empathy” and “independence,” as well as the rights of adorable animals and the working poor. LAW SCHOOL WILL NOT HELP ANY OF THOSE THINGS SCOTT.

Seriously Scott, you are obviously someone who has principles and sense of bravery that put most of us other under-employed drones to shame. As a law school student ourselves however it is with a heavy heart that we must advise you to keep your wonderfully unsullied conscience and stay the fuck away from this awful snake pit of despair that defines legal education. Do something more honorable with your life, like lobbying for manatees or gun running in the eastern Congo. The dank and sociopathic existence in the shadows of society that provides us with concentrated feelings of human suffering that allows law students and lawyers to survive is NO place for righteous individuals like yourself. For fucks sake MITT ROMNEY is a goddamned Harvard Law grad and you know personally what a prick he is.

So please by all means take whatever you need to protect you and your love ones from the wingnut horde currently ramming your front door, and use what is left over to continue your life’s work in helping others. But as a someone who made the same mistake that you are considering and now is yet another member of the wretched chorus of souls dammed for eternity to inflict needless pain on the world in the hopes of paying off our student loans, please consider a career in veterinarian medicine instead.

Or write for Wonkette! You can be the official permanent "nice time” poster slash bartender that we so desperately need.

[ Mother Jones ]