Pretty Much Nation's Only Black Lady Republican Official Resigns For Being The Griftiest

That is too bad that Florida's Lieutenant Governor, Jennifer Carroll, had to resign for being sooooo shady. She is pretty! And sometime we get lesby-rumors and accusations (lesbysations) about her! Those are both good things! But, wah-wah, unfortunately Jennifer Carroll is also apparently the griftiest lady to ever grace the state of Florida. FLORIDA. The state where the governor, Rick Scott, is for some reason not in prison for Medicare fraud! That is a woman with skills. Let us read, together, about her manifold crimes against humanity, and decency, and taste!

Tell us aaaaall about it, "Jacksonvilledotcom"!

• Jennifer Carroll did "consulting work" and "starred in a commercial" for Allied Veterans, a "charity" which was even griftier than she was and is being investigated for racketeering.

  Allied Veterans is accused of money laundering, using money from a nonprofit for personal gain and misrepresenting the amount donated to charities.

  Authorities say the group donated just 2 percent of its $290 million in proceeds to charities over about five years.

• While "consulting" for them, and as a member of the Florida House, Jennifer Carroll filed a bill to legalize "internet cafes," which is what Allied Veterans runs, but the rest of the state seems to think these internet cafes are "gambling"? We do not understand that at all. But sure. But everyone was all CONFLICT OF INTEREST GO TO JAIL, and (here is where it gets stupid), she claimed the bill she introduced

  was filed by a staffer without her knowledge.

• Also she accidentally falsified some documents (BY ACCIDENT) to grift a program for Jacksonville-based minority-owned companies (BECAUSE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION).

So, booooo Jennifer Carroll! But while we are booing you for your kleptocratic ways, let us also remember this terrible thing you did, for hilarity and/or sadness! And that is when you said she couldn't be a lesbian because you are pretty, and probably the lady who accused you of muff-diving in the office is the real lesbian, because she is ugly and gross!

Go to decency jail!

[ Jacksonville ]