Well, golly, it's been at least a day or so since we've reported on some elected asshat saying something reprehensible in public, so obviously we're overdue. This time around, the idiot is Connecticut Rep. Ernest Hewitt (D-OhForFuckssake), who last week decided that a dick joke would make for a perfect reply to a 17 year old girl's testimony about how participating in a state-funded science education program helped her become more outgoing:
The girl, a high school senior, had been testifying in support of funding for the Connecticut Science Center’s youth programs, which she said helped her to get over a fear of snakes. One lawmaker told her she was a good spokeswoman for the center and asked if there were any questions.
‘‘If you’re bashful I got a snake sitting under my desk here,’’ Hewett then said. Laughter at his remark from those in the room is heard in an audio tape of the exchange.
Hewett later made the highly plausible assertion that he was going to say something entirely different, so as to suggest that the girl's claim of shyness was belied by her obvious poise and confidence:
‘‘What I meant to say was, if you are shy then I have an acre of land in the Everglades.’’
See? He never intended to make a joke about his penis; it just slipped out, haw-haw. We would like to explain to Rep. Hewitt, for future reference, that the phrases "I meant to say" and "I should have said" also mean wholly different things, and that nobody thinks they are the same thing.
Following the incident, Connecticut House Democrats voted to remove Hewitt as Deputy Speaker. In addition,
The president of the science center, Matt Fleury, said Friday he had passed an apology from Hewett on to the girl and she had accepted it.
Rep. Hewitt's herpetology derp makes a strong case that Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award should be split into two categories, with separate prizes for Worst Proposed Legislation and for Most Painfully Clueless Public Statement.
[ Boston.com / Mediaite ]
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That confused me too. I eventually figured out that his excuse was was that he meant to say something fitting the template "If you're bashful, then <something improbable>". Me, I'd probably fill in the blank with "I'm a monkey's uncle" or "I'm the king of Siam". To him, apparently, the obvious thing is "I've got a big dick", but he toned it down to something about snakes. Trying to explain himself, he comes up with something that only makes sense when you realize that an acre of land in the Everglades is hard to find. This is a natural idiom to people in Connecticut. Screw him. To put together the best suggestions so far, horsewhip him, tar and feather him, and ride him out of town on a rail.
Won't you view my collection of stamps? All unperforated.