THE HAND GOES UP THE MOUTH GOES SHUT  12:33 pm February 28, 2013

Republicans (Maybe) Stop Beating Their Wives

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Step One: Isolate them from friends and familyHey-o! Looks like, once again, sexxxy dreamboat John “Whisky Dick” Boehner has failed to achieve “lift-off”! In this case, once again, he has tried to placate the even-most-batshit of his brethren and then failed to pass his own bill, in his own caucus. And it looks like (maybe!) we will finally be able to answer the age-old question, “When did the Republicans stop beating their wife?”

TPM brings the tick-tock. As we all already knew, the Senate has long since passed a strengthened Violence Against Women Act, but the House was all, if we are not allowed to beat Eskimo ladies and watch lesbians domestic-violence the shit out of each other, is life really worth living? Let Amercia be Amercia again!

So John Boehner brought up his own, shitty VAWA (after A YEAR) for a vote. Usually, these things pass and then there’s a conference committee where the House and the Senate get to do the funtimes work of figuring out how “don’t beat any women” and “beat all the women” get compromised!

But in this case, they had already told their members that if Boehner’s shitty VAWA didn’t pass, they would actually let the Senate bill come up for an up-or-down vote.

And they dashed John Boehner’s shitty VAWA bill into a thousand jagged little pieces. They did this EVEN THOUGH all their brethren were explaining that not beating your wife makes you a total pussy, and also that, hey, some chicks like it rough!

We guess this is just one more way Tyrant Barack Obama has “steamrolled” the GOP into voting for stuff sometimes, because of how he is a dictator.

Oh, and also how, like, every single female Republican legislator (except for Cathy McMorris-Rodgers, probably) begged their GOP colleagues to stop beating their wives.

OH AND HEY ALSO UPDATE: The House has passed the Senate version of VAWA, 286-138. Fucking Obama.

[TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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