Organic Fertilizer For the Tree Of Liberty

Idaho Gun Fondlers Bravely Resist Tyrant Hussein Obama’s Imaginary Gun Confiscation Orders

Sharing the loveThis weekend, people who love liberty and semiautomatic weapons, which are the same thing, actually, gathered in cities across U.S. America for a “Day Of Resistance,” organized on 2/23 to commemorate the heroic freedom-loving service of .223 caliber rounds fired by AR-15 semiautomatic rifles. These innocent bullets have recently had their love of freedom unfairly maligned, simply because a few hundred of them were propelled at high velocity — without their consent, although it should be noted that they performed according to their design specifications — through the flesh and bones of twenty small children and six of their teachers in December. Organizers of the event considered the choice of date “clever.”

Depending on location, the rallies were either a Huge Success or a Total Failure. Numbers are hard when a gun-related event doesn’t leave any corpses behind, so let’s say that overall turnout nationwide was somewhere between a few thousand and a million. Your Doktor Zoom attended the rally at the Idaho Statehouse in Boise, and can confirm that there were a few hundred people inside, the vast majority of them armed. No one was shot, not even the guy wearing a “Wonkette” sticker on his windbreaker, so that proves guns are not a problem and liberals are irrationally afraid of freedom.

View from 2nd floor of Rotunda onto main level

Here is a woman who is very very concerned about freedom and the threats to freedom that can only be countered by a well-armed citizen militia. Yr. Correspondent confesses that he did not ask her which “domestic enemies” she feels it may become necessary to shoot at some hypothetical point in the foreseeable future.

foreign and domestic

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Miss Manners never actually said this

Despite all the hardware floating around, Yr. Correspondent did not experience any loss of bladder control, as is commonly said to be the case with liberals in the presence of armed Patriots. And as a matter of fact, people at the rally were unfailingly polite, and readily agreed to be photographed, except for one gentleman whose “No!” was accompanied by a glare and a definite tone of suspicion. Obviously, he had sussed out that Yr. Dok Z was an infiltrator who might put his picture up on the internet. We’ll admit to mixed feelings about having been a completely justifiable object of paranoia.

And quite frankly, we’ll readily agree that guns can be kind of cool. Look at this genuinely nifty bit of workbench craftsmanship:

Not the kind of Homegrown most of us go for, but nicely done

We also saw a really lovely rifle of some sort (don’s ask what; we’re no Neilist) that may have been home-modified, with gorgeous red wood-grain polished to a high gloss. We may have betrayed our status as a Firearms Noob by saying, “Wow, that is a beautiful stock,” because after looking at a diagram on the Googles, it is clear now that we said this while looking at the forestock. Please, add your own joke here.

The general consensus was that firearms are the only thing preventing government from becoming tyrannical, and that any restrictions on ownership of weapons or ammunition are the inevitable first step toward dictatorship.

Not about hunting

Let's not forget the death camps in Australia, Japan, and Canada!

The other theme for signs at the rally was self-defense; we like these ones because they engage our sense of feminist solidarity:

Liberals, why do you want these women left undefended?

'Pro-choice' people are such hypocrites!

On the topic of self-defense, one speaker, attorney and former prosecutor Alexandria Streich informed the crowd that all mass killers in recent history were “liberal Democrats” and that almost all of them were taking psychiatric medications. To loud applause, she closed by calling on President Obama to give up his armed guards if he hates guns so much, and rely on “whistles and the buddy system. As for me, I’ll keep my AR-15.” Ms. Streich left before Yr. Correspondent was able to ask her any follow-up questions, unfortunately.

Yeah, yeah.

In well-received closing remarks, event co-organizer Tony Snesko told the assembled gun owners, “We’re here today not because of Sandy Hook or the Colorado theater, but to commemorate the tragedy of the Obama-Feinstein gun grab.” Mr. Snesko then repeated, to cheers, the thoroughly debunked claim that no semiautomatic rifle was used in Newtown. Mr. Snesko also said that “universal background checks” are actually just code for “universal registration” of guns, which will inevitably be followed by “univeral confiscation.” He then said, again to cheers and applause, that “the only people who need a background check are criminals and people who are mentally ill,” although we suspect that there may be a slight problem with his plan there. He closed by saying that President Obama has actually “given us a gift” with his supposed plan to disarm Americans: “he has united 100 million gun owners” who will never surrender their weapons.

Unless, of course, you mean stuff like what the ACLU does.  What do you hippies want, anarchy?

As we said, we didn’t hang around and chat with any of the rally participants, partly because we really wanted to get home and do some sinning in the eyes of the Lord, partly because we’d jokingly texted a friend that if we weren’t back in two hours, they should assume we’d been captured or shot, and partly because we dreaded a replay of the shouting match we let ourselves get into a couple years back at a tax-day Tea Party protest. But we promise you that we will try to make time for a sincere dialogue at the next one of these things, because we really want to get a better sense of just which of their fellow Americans these folks expect to have to shoot, and how likely they really think it is that they will need to shoot some agents of tyranny.

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Hola wonkerados.

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