BIG JOHNSONS  10:09 am February 25, 2013

New Michigan Democratic Party Chairman Lon Johnson Is NOT The Lee Strasberg Of Porn Lon Johnson

by Jeff Wattrick

The Lon JohnsonsThe Michigan Democratic Party elected Lon Johnson as their new chairman Saturday. But you should know that Michigan Democratic Party chairman Lon Johnson is not the Lon Johnson who, in addition to starring in over 1300 adult films, operates the Lon Johnson School of Acting. They are two different guys.

You can tell them apart because porn Lon Johnson looks like Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher, while Michigan Democratic Party chairman Lon Johnson has that weird Eddie Munster thing going on with the front of his hair, like Paul Ryan.

Also, instead of appearing in such notable works of erotic cinema as “Gang Bang The Drum Slowly” and the chilling dystopian fantasy “Nineteen Eighty Porn,” Michigan Democratic Party chairman Lon Johnson runs a venture capital firm and is married to Obama deputy campaign director/scourge of your email inbox Julianna Smoot. The non-porn Johnson has big plans for the Democrats. For instance, he wants to “[b]uild a new party executive structure so that we can better support our historical allies, while also starting new conversations with emerging Democratic…”

OH MY GOD, Michigan Democratic Party chairman Lon Johnson is so boring. Let’s learn more about porn Lon Johnson and his “Johnson Technique.” Porn makes us larf.

According to the porny Johnson’s website: “While hard to describe, The Johnson Technique is really a mix of thai-chi, things learned from The Actor’s Studio, and the Dirty Harry movies. Not Clint Eastwood, but the character of Dirty Harry. And yes, even some tips on life learned in a college bowling class.  The trademarked mantra of the Johnson Technique, which involves the building of tension is: BELIEVE–ACHIEVE–RELIEVE”

“Believe–achieve–relieve” is good advice for most situations but can the Johnson Technique really make you a better erotic thespian? Check out these testimonials.

  • “He gave me a direction in life, a goal and the confidence to go after that goal.  Dreams really do come true.” – Max Pike
  • “What a wonderful gift, Mr. Lon Johnson has given me.  I was like a flower that was just budding and he opened me up.” – Sushima Bhatnagar
  • “Lon is just an incredible mentor! In just a few weeks, he gave me the techniques I needed to truly bare my soul on screen.  I feel like I can do anything now.  Even the most challenging scenes don’t intimidate me:  I feel just as confident in a daisy chain as I do in a jacuzzi scene from Hamlet (Lon says it was implied in the original version).” – Sherri

Yr Wonket is sold. We kind of wish the Michigan Democrats elected porn Lon Johnson as their chairman. That way they can learn how to top Gov. Rick Snyder in the proverbial electoral daisy chain next year. Well, anyway, good luck with the new gig non-porn Lon Johnson. We’re sure you have what it takes to give Michigan the good, deep drilling it really, really wants. You know, with votes.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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