First Amendment Hero Bradlee Dean Would Like To Give Your Wonkette Some Legal Fees

Serial SLAPPer Bradlee Dean has taken some time off from making high school girls cry, in order to retain a lawyer to threaten to sue your Wonket! Oh Lucy, what have we done now! Well, obviously we have "defamed" him -- which seems to happen to the poor man so very often! -- with a "reckless disregard for the truth" by quoting him. Just like Rachel Maddow did!

Unfortunately, vis a vis la Maddow, a judge did not agree, which Dean's lawyer Larry Klayman explained was because the judge was not impartial, and he knew that because the judge did not say Larry Klayman was "distinguished," which caused Godzilla-sized levels of wingnut butthurt. So now Bradlee Dean owes Rachel Maddow almost 25 big in legal fees. WE WOULD LIKE SOME LEGAL FEES TOO, BRADLEE DEAN! Please please please? Let us read their letter announcing their lawyer-hiring (not Larry Klayman for some reason!), together!

Re: Bradlee Dean and YouCanRunInternational

Dear [Publishers/Editor]:

Patrick T. Tierney Attorney At Law has been retained by Bradlee Dean and You Can Run International concerning the false and defamatory statements published in “Bradlee Dean Would Like Us to Beat the Murder out of the Children,” on January 19th, 2013. This article is legally actionable as it falsely accuses Bradlee Dean of child abuse.

“Is Bradlee Dean a parent? We really, really hope Bradlee Dean is not a parent. No joke. We just hope that Bradlee Dean does not and will never have children, because we hate it when little children have to be put in foster care to save them from being beaten to death by insane people.”

Neither Bradlee Dean nor You Can Run International have ever advocated the beating of children. Nor does the quote that you use from Bradlee Dean’s article, support this false and defamatory claim.

If you contend that you have facts and evidence to support your false and defamatory claim, please produce those facts. If you have no facts supporting your false statement, then promptly remove the statement from your article.

Any further publication will be with full knowledge that the statement was false and with a reckless disregard of the truth and will result in further legal action.

Please note, that you have 7 business days to respond to this letter or legal action will be taken.

Very truly yours,

Jake MacAulay

Chief Operations Manager

Our first question is, can we sue Jake MacAulay for fraud when he lies that he is "very truly [ours]"? Because we are pretty sure he does not mean it!

Our second question is: how can they possibly contend that Bradlee Dean has never advocated beating children? Did they miss the part of our blog post (right before the part they quoted!) where we quoted him? Let's see!

In past generations, parents would train their children in the way they should go, using the rod of correction (Proverbs 22) to drive foolishness from the hearts of their children, while the pharmaceutical companies compete for the position contrary to that which God commanded.

Yes, that was it! He says "the rod of correction" is that which God Himself commands, in the context of getting people who are on psychotropic meds to stop mass-murdering! He may have issue with us characterizing this as "beating" your children, but we stand by it. After all, what else do you with a rod of correction? Do you stroke children with it? Do you caress children with it? No. You beat children with it, because the Bibble tells you so!

Interestingly, they do not seem to have a problem with us calling Bradlee Dean "insane" -- perhaps because truth is an absolute defense to the charge of libel! (Hey lawyers, don't get your law panties in a law wad; we are being funny . It is a joke . OR IS IT??? Yes it is. OR NOT???)

We would like to invite Bradlee Dean and the attorney of his choice to come address our journalism class at University of California Riverside. We had such a fun libel session just a few weeks ago, and we're sure our students would love to see some baseless defamation charges in action! We bet they could even cite a few of the Supreme Court cases explaining why Bradlee Dean does not have a fucking leg to stand on, and why Wonkette will be flush with lovely anti-SLAPP moneys!

Oh, also? Pretty much everyone at Wonkette is a lawyer except for your Editrix, but we do have an uncle who just happens to be one of the premier First Amendment attorneys in the nation, and unfortunately for Bradlee Dean, our Uncle Victor does not come cheap.

Very truly yours,

Editrix