WINGNUTS FURIOUS WE ASSUME  3:02 pm February 20, 2013

Please Nobody Tell The Yahoo! Commenters About Michelle Obama’s New Portrait

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

so ugly and stuffDo you know who Yahoo! commenters love? Hint: It is Michelle Obama! They love her very, very much, and when they call her “Moocow” and “Squatch” and “Sasquatch” and “Mooch” and “Silver-Backed Gorilla,” it is not because of racisms but is more like a … well, okay, maybe it is a LITTLE bit racist.

Also, because the Yahoo! and also WeaselZippers and also Breitbart and also all-of-them commenters love Michelle Obama so much, please do not tell them about how she has a new official portrait, as this will doubtless send them into a frenzied elation of lurve from which it would be well nigh impossible for them to alight!

Do we love this new portrait as much as we loved her old portrait? We do not, no, not as much. It does not show her bangin’ arms, for one thing, and she is maybe a little overly made up and does not look as relaxed and happy as usual. But it is fine! It is a fine new portrait!

Of course, it would be better if she didn’t insist on spending TAXPAYARZ MUNEEZ on having someone (probably someone already employed to take pictures? We will never know, because we do not care) take a picture of her for a portrait, unlike all the WHITE first ladies, who obviously never did that, and also cut up hot dog’s, you elitist bitch.

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Hola wonkerados.

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