Donald Trump And Lawyer Unfamiliar With This 'Constitution' Of Which You Speak

Donald Trump is MAD you guys! MAD MAD MAD! Mr. Bad Hairweave McHairweave (please do not sue Wonket, Mr. Trump! If you'd like, we can just say that your hairweave is allegedly bad?) had his pet lawyer send a cease-and-desist letter to the folks at Dump Trump. Apparently Mr. Hairweasel (no really please don't sue us!!!) has a super-mad because the Dump Trump folks want to tortiously-interfere Macy's into severing ties with Trump:  

Trump attorneyAlan Gartenhas sent a cease and desist letter toAngelo Carusone, organizer of the online campaign Dump Trump, and threatened to seek damages of “not less than” $25 million if the protest continues.

Totally terrifying and believable. Yes, showing up at Macy's to protest and getting a petition going at one of those weird omnipresent liberal petition sites (not Care2 you guys we love you!) is totally illegal!!!1! Did you sign a lie-brul petition lately? Then you probably owe Donald Trump all your money and should go to jail.

Some parts of yr Wonkette are lawyers and the Editrix made us go read the actual letter. We skimmed it because Wonket does not actually pay us well enough to employ our beautiful legal minds and read it carefully. Lazy summary of letter: saying Trump is a dick is not fair, because it might interfere with his relationship with Macy's and then the world will end. (OK, that last part might not be in there, but we drank our lunch, so fuck it.)

An attorney who is actually getting paid to deal with this took the time to helpfully explain that in America, you pretty much can ask people to vote with their feet and boycott any damn thing you please:  

“From the boycott of Missouri for blocking the Equal Rights Amendment to refusing to eat at Chick-fil-A for opposing gay rights, the ability to stimulate a mass ‘vote with your wallet’ campaign has been a key weapon for activists that has long been recognized under the First Amendment,” Levy says.

Yeah. What he said.

Honestly, the most astonishing thing to us about this whole brouhaha is that Trump has both clothing AND fragrances at Macy's. Fragrances!! Who WOULDN'T want to smell like Trump? We imagine it is a heady masculine blend of flop sweat, bankruptcy, and hairspray. HAWT. Terrible person or no, we're not gonna be able to resist that seductive smell.

[ Hollywood Reporter ]