now don't you feel like a schmuck?

Pols Having Secret Spawn All Over The Place!

As you probably know, the world of political journalism in the internet age is basically a never-ending exercise in detailing which brand of Fleshlight congressmen are buying at any given time. So it was not surprising exactly that some tweets from Congressman Steve Cohen to a pretty 25 year old got some attention from The Hill:

In case you don’t speak twitter (and god bless you if that is the case), “ilu” translates into “I love you,” which sent the internet temporarily into its default panic mode that an unmarried congressman might actually have something resembling a consensual sex life:

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking Geez, Mr. Lane: who among us has not regularly corresponded with out-of-district hot bikini coeds who are one-third our ages? Why, you’re a political blogger, Moe! They must throw themselves at you by the dozen! …And it’s true: they do. It’s quite inconvenient, at times. But I have this rule about being a bachelor Congressman who goes around sending probably-meant-to-be-DMs to the “the daughter of a longtime friend;” yeah, I don’t do any of that.

Because it’s CREEPY, that’s why. Especially from the member of a party which is theoretically supposed to be against powerful old men being creepy towards young ladies.

HARHARHAR.

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Well that ridiculous sentiment soon turned to a collective AWWWW when increasingly palatable decreasingly vomitous human interest reporter Luke Russert broke the story via Twitter (because of course) that Steve Cohen was actually talking to his daughter. To make us feel even shittier for assuming that men are only being paternalistic to people they are fucking, Cohen soon revealed that he only found out about the woman’s existence a few years ago after googling an old flame of his:

“I googled her mother, found out she had a child and the math looked pretty accurate,” he said. “The mom told me we had a lot of catching up to do.”

Brink’s mother then told Cohen, “‘Yes every time I look at her I see the German Jew in her face,’ I’m Lithuanian close enough.”

Now Cohen himself has garnered only sparse attention from the national press since entering the House of Representatives in 2006. Unlike his predecessor, the estimably evil Morning Joe appendage Harold Ford Jr., Cohen is an out and proud liberal hailing from a state which Democrats completely abandoned years ago. As a white Jew representing a predominately black and Christian district in Memphis, Cohen has rather bravely defended a variety of progressive issues, and is one of the most outspoken national legislators on marijuana reform. He is probably mostly known on the right wing for calling hysterical opposition to health care reform “a big lie just like Goebbels,” for his frequent balls-out appearances on Fox News, and for his rejected application to join the Congressional Black Caucus.

So while it’s fucking sad that Cohen is getting attention as a result of our own hypocritical obsession with political sexy time, it’s nevertheless giving the rare spotlight to a person who actually uses his power in a considerate manner. Perhaps it is time for the Democrats to finally embrace this internet saavy congressman, who understands not just millenial text language but our obession with cats as well.

Steve Cohen. Pro-weed and pro-kitty. His future is bright. Now we’re just waiting for Dave Agema to weigh in.

[TheHill / Luke Russert's Twitter / RedState]

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