Wonkers, please to enjoy this Valentine’s gift we are giving you, which is a Valentine to ourselves that you can join in on, like a big ol’ us-Valentine orgy! Oh, what puddles and messes we shall leave!
We will start:
We love you, Wonkette.
We love Fakakta and Snipy and Jesse T. and Jesse B.
and Blair and Rich and Dok and Kris
and Evan and Stefan and Jeff,
but mostly we love us,
Let us count the ways.
Well, we were a pretty good mom there for a while —
one of those young moms who was still hot and stuff.
We give money to charity a lot, like, probably more than Old Handsome Joe Biden
but not as much as Mitt Romney.
Hrm, yup, that is about it.
Except how we seized your Wonket
almost exactly a year ago, and hardly
Wonkers, the field is yours, to shout of our beauty, and our wit, and probably our tits. That always goes over like gangbusters.