thank you jesus thank you lord

A Valentine Poem To The One Your Wonket Loves Most Of All

World's Greatest Kitten With A WhipWonkers, please to enjoy this Valentine’s gift we are giving you, which is a Valentine to ourselves that you can join in on, like a big ol’ us-Valentine orgy! Oh, what puddles and messes we shall leave!

We will start:

We love you, Wonkette.

We love Fakakta and Snipy and Jesse T. and Jesse B.

and Blair and Rich and Dok and Kris

and Evan and Stefan and Jeff,

but mostly we love us,

your Editrix.

Let us count the ways.

Well, we were a pretty good mom there for a while —

one of those young moms who was still hot and stuff.

We give money to charity a lot, like, probably more than Old Handsome Joe Biden

does,

but not as much as Mitt Romney.

Hrm, yup, that is about it.

Except how we seized your Wonket

almost exactly a year ago, and hardly

even

broke it

at all.

Wonkers, the field is yours, to shout of our beauty, and our wit, and probably our tits. That always goes over like gangbusters.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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